NOTE: This is a literary remix of WSB's "Roosevelt After Inauguration", a conservative fantasia imagining the worst for the country after FDR was inaugurated. If anyone got here by using a search engine, it's just a joke, folks. Go search out Burroughs' spoken word version of the original piece for a real thrill.
OBAMA AFTER INAUGURATION
Immediately after the inauguration, Obama appeared on the White House balcony, dressed in the purple robes of a Roman emperor and leading a blind, toothless lion on a gold chain, and hog-called his constituents to come get their appointments. The constituents rushed up grunting and squealing like the hogs they were. Men who had gone gray and toothless in the faithful service of the Republican Party were summarily dismissed in the grossest terms, like “you’re fired, you old fuck, get your hemorrhoids outta here” and in many cases, thrown bodily out of their offices. Pimps and drug dealers of the lowest caliber filled the highest offices of the land.
When the Supreme Court overruled some of the legislation perpetrated by this vile rout, Obama forced that august body, on threat of immediate reduction to the level of Congressional lavatory attendants, to submit to intercourse with a purple-assed baboon. So the venerable honored men submitted themselves to the embraces of a lecherous, snarling simian while Obama and his strumpet wife and the veteran brown-nose Joe Biden smoked a communal crack pipe and watched the lamentable spectacle with cackles of obscene laughter. Justice Clarence Thomas succumbed to a rectal hemorrhage on the spot. Obama only laughed and said coarsely, “Plenty more where that came from”. Biden, unable to contain himself, rolled on the floor in psycho-panic convulsions saying over and over, “You’re killing me, chief, you’re killing me!” Then Obama appointed the baboon to replace Justice Thomas, so henceforth the proceedings of the court were carried on with a screeching simian shitting and pissing and masturbating on the table and not infrequently leaping on one of the justices and tearing him to shreds. “He is entering a vote of dissent,” Obama would say with an evil chuckle.
The vacancies so created were invariably filled by simians, so that in the course of time the Supreme Court came to consist of nine purple-assed baboons. Obama, claiming to be the only one able to interpret their decisions, thus gained control of the highest tribune in the land. Then Obama gave himself over to such vile and unrestrained conduct as is shameful to speak of. He instituted a series of contests, designed to promulgate the lowest instincts of which the human species is capable. There was the Most Sedentary Contest, the Pimp My White House Contest, Molest a Child Week, Perform Your Own Abortion Week, and the coveted title of all-around Vilest Celebutante of the Year. Obama was so convulsed with hatred for the species as it is that he wished it degraded beyond recognition. “I’ll make the cocksuckers glad to mutate,” he would say, looking off into space as if seeking new frontiers of depravity.