RICHIE - CHAPTER FIVE (Twitter Novel / Keitai Shosetsu)

the words are huge and hard
to miss right on the brick
wall leading to the cafeteria

-AH POOK IS HERE- in
thick curvy black spray
painted letters and its weird

cuz if it was -FUCK YOU-
or -FAIRVIEW SUX- it
would make more sense and
you could just

say -what a shame- or -thats
awesome- and call it a day
but no one knew if ah pook
was a band

or a dj or a drug and no one
knows what to think really
except wtf but then mr nulles
the assistant dean comes out
with crisis staff

and hes huge but its not just
fat theres muscle there too
plus hes just kind of wide like
a wall

and to add to it hes got no
hair and creepy red-tinted
glasses and the thinnest lips
ive ever seen on a guy that fat

so he stands and looks for
like way too long because it
basically takes about 2
seconds to read but he peers
at it for almost 5 minutes

and then slowly turns his
gaze on all the boys gathered
around talking and laughing
and they quiet down a little

but they cant punk out just
cuz nulles looks at them
funny but after awhile he
stalks back in with the crisis
guys in tow

and richie comes up behind
me scratching and yawning
and goes -what did i miss-
and i just shrug -ah pook is
here-

and he brightens and goes
-oh really- and im all -you
know what ah pook is- and
richie says -well

-ah pook isnt a what hes a
who hes one of the mayan
gods of destruction- and first
i go -how do you know that-
and then

-did you do this- and his eyes
get big and he laughs -no
not at all- and i go -who else
here would know about ah
pook- and he says -idk

-but somebody here is cooler
than i gave them credit for-
his eyes narrow at me -did
you do it- and i say -no- like
way too loud

-of course you didnt yr not
that cool- and i just scowl
-har dee fuckin har- pause a
minute -but what does it
even mean though-

richie says -well ah pook is
here destruction is on the
way- he shrugs and i look at
him until he looks away and i
go -you did do it-

and he laughs again hides it
pretty good but theres a
nervous edge -cmon dee dee
do i look like a graffiti guy

-i dont even own a
skateboard- and by the time
he stops talking nulles is back
and dean cuddy is with him
and he just looks

at the wall for a long time
almost as long as nulles and
then he turns to the boys
standing around talking and
laughing

//he kind of looks like an
older brad pitt or if russell
crowe had sandy blonde hair

the kind of guy my mom
would think is hot and my
dad would just shake his head
and sigh//

anyway cuddy says -this is
incredibly uncool- the last
word hangs in the air he
sighs -im not going to ask
who did this

-because i dont expect any of
you to snitch- almost smiles
-i wouldnt if i were you but-
he looks back to the brick
wall

richie leans into me whispers
-see how long it takes before
he mentions the money he
wont be able to help himself
watch-

cuddy goes on -we ask so
little of you guys do you
know what i mean- total
silence -we want this to be a
pleasant place to learn

-and all you have to do is not
destroy it- shakes his head
-do you know do you have
any idea how many hours

-how much it is going to cost
fairview to somehow sand
this off and finish it again- i
look at richie and he raises
his eyebrows

cuddy gestures to the rest of
the facade that leads to the
cafeteria -we cant just paint
one wall and leave it

-looking like garbage- and
richie clears his throat and
says -uh dean cuddy-

and his voice is shaking a
little bit not a lot but if you
know him okay you could tell

and cuddy looks right at him
and his face is unreadable as
he says -yes richie-
pleasantly enough and

richie goes -why is it that uh
some of the rules here are
more important than um
others- and his voice actually
sounds sincere

cuddys eyes kind of light up
and he says -what exactly do
you mean richie- and hes not
pissed or confused

but more like excited and
richie says -well someone
wrote on the wall and
obviously thats bad and i get
that and why yr mad

-but pretty much every night
guys are drinking and
smoking weed in the dorm-
and you could hear a pin drop
in the quiet that results

-and you dont get pissed
about that in fact- and richie
is getting less nervous as he
goes on -no one really seems
to care

-but thats against the rules
too right i mean both things
are against the rules- and
richie is looking right at him

cuddy looks back and looks
back for a really long time
and now hes shifted into this
weird calm place and says
-so richie

-if im correct- breathes
-what im hearing you say is
youre seeing a discrepancy in the
way in which the rules are
enforced around here

-is that right- and richies a
little too smug when he says
-partly- and cuddy smiles
and says -well

-what i could do is start drug
testing everyone in the dorm
and that would probably even
things out then wouldnt it-

and guys are shouting at
richie -shut the fuck up- and
-what are you doing asshole-
and -narc- and cuddy just
smiles

and richie says something
back but i cant hear it and
cuddy says -what- and cups
his ear but then the bell rings

everyone just starts walking
inside and a couple guys
punch richie on the arm and
frejean clips him upside the
head

so richie bites his lower lip
and clips him back and
frejean turns fists raised but
richie

just grins at him and frankie
does that chest-out punk-off
thing but richie doesnt flinch
so frejean just calls him fag

and richie scoffs and as the
other boys all filter in he
walks up to cuddy and goes

-you would never really drug
test- and smiles like
knowingly -it would cost
way too much-

cuddy raises his eyebrows
and again his expression is
more excited than angry -oh
really- smiles -well see-

nulles moves his bulky frame
in front of cuddy and grunts
-i know you- to richie out of
his weird-shaped mouth

richie looks away -of course-
he tries to laugh it off but
nulles says -from before i
know you-

and richie still wont meet his
eyeline -whatever- shakes
his head and goes inside and i
follow looking back

at nulles and cuddy watching
us until were somehow safe
inside

GUN CRAZY (Part Fifteen)

While they're waiting for me to meet them, the angels, they sometimes have a cocktail or two in this neighborhood watering hole, always refuse the little weenies on the sticks, rub up against the locals - watch the wings, fella - bullshit about football, watch their backs, always looking at the door for the tell-tale hitman halo, listen to sob stories, reel out a few of their own, toss peanuts into their mouths, never miss one, talk shop - yeah, the higher the hem the better off you'll be on those long flights - wonder about the future, always sweet to the waitress, yeah, yeah, lousy tippers, though, angels.

(what are those hitmen packing? what kind of bullet kills an angel?)

GUN CRAZY (Part Fourteen)

there's a price on the angels' heads
they can't be seen around my house anymore
there's no place in Heaven or Hell for them now
I guess that they'll be hanging here awhile
the Heaven-sent hitmen are obvious
gold chains dangle down their chests
they make up excuses to come to my door
and none of them ever make sense
they stammer and stutter out some cover
supply yet another fake mother's name
and that very same mother or substitute other
walks up and treats them like a stranger again

sometimes you can see them blush under the disguises

GUN CRAZY (Part Thirteen)

Hello, Teenage America!

they wasted me
I was wasted
from the beginning
from the waist up

They had television take me out

I was set to be so beautiful
I was set to be Arthur Rimbaud
with a radio

I never asked for this miasma
of fuzzystatic forms
I was leaning on my life too long
and it fell asleep

please
slam it hard a few times against the wall for me
wake it up