so richie comes into my room
on saturday and honestly im
totally happy about it cuz
even if he can be a dick
sometimes
hes more interesting than
pretty much everybody else
at fairview but of course im
not gonna let him know that
so hes all
-dee dee whats going on-
and im at my computer
working on a paper for isaacs
and im like -you know not
much- and he comes over
big boots thudding across the
floor and stands on the other
side of the flatscreen monitor
hes got his leather jacket on
and he goes
-so are you ready to go- and
im like -what do you mean
go where- and he says -out
you smackhead where else-
and i just laugh -what are we
gonna do walk in the woods-
and he tilts his head -noooo
were gonna go for a ride-
im all -in what- and hes like
-in one of the physical plant
trucks- and i just turn back to
the monitor -count-me-out-
he scoffs -aw come on dont
be a pussy lets go out- and i
scowl -what so im a pussy
because i dont wanna steal a
truck-
he gets very matter-of-fact
-its only stealing if you keep
it were gonna give the truck
right back- and i go -whats
out there
-that you wanna see so bad
its just miles and miles of
cowshit and then theres white
rock not exactly a teeming
metropolis-
he narrows his eyes -yeah
but theres the possibility of
mystery romance- thinks for
a second -regret- and i laugh
-why would i wanna have
any regrets- and he goes -do
you have any regrets- and im
like -im fucking 15 i havent
done anything yet-
he raises a finger -and you
wont ever if yr this scared of
regret- and hes twisting my
words so i go -im not afraid
of regret
-im just not gonna like
actively seek it out its a bad
thing right- and richie gets
all philosophical on me
-regret is the msg of life
-it makes the sweets sweeter
the joys bigger somehow
you gotta get you some
regrets there son- and i laugh
again
-what book did you steal that
one from richie- and he
grimaces looks down for
something at his feet finds it
and jams his boot down hard
on the power strip my
computer immediately shuts
down and the flatscreens
display winks out and im
speechless for a second then i
scream
-you worthless fucking
asshole i didnt save that- and
hes suddenly solemn -i know
and i fully and completely
regret what i did-
then he grins at me -now
come on- and i just sigh
-sure sure why not theres
no way youre gonna get into
any of those trucks-
and 20 minutes later were on
route 420 towards white rock
away from fairview in this
rickety old red truck and i can
barely believe it
not just that he did it but how
quickly he did it he just had
me watch out for staff and
then suddenly it roars to life
and im in the passenger seat
and were rolling off campus
and its still not kicking in that
he just stole a truck we stole
really
thats how itll be if we get
busted but i try not to think
about that i just turn and ask
him as nonchalantly as i can
-so where are we going- and
hes like -i dont know ive got
one place in mind but im not
sure i can find it without a
map-
and im like -okay but what
is it that yr trying to find-
and hes all -just relax dee
dee everythings cool- and
i just say
-i am relaxed im just feeling
a little exposed you know-
and were pulling up to a red
light when richie goes
-whoa nelly-
cuz theres a cop car already
there and were gonna pull up
right next to it i start going
-shit shit shit shit shit- and
richie just
reaches down and pulls up a
dirty john deere baseball cap
from the floor says -stop
talking- and pops it on his
head
and as we pull up i watch his
jaw slacken and his eyes
glaze over and we come to a
stop right next to the cops
and he stares straight ahead
for a minute then turns his
head slightly and catches the
eye of the cop in the
passenger seat
and richies face never
changes but he nods briefly
to the cop then turns his gaze
back to the road ahead
and then the light changes
and the cops drive off and
richie puts the truck in gear
and we roll through the
intersection
and he exhales with a whistle
and i go -holy shit what did
you just do- and he says very
slowly
-acknowledge them but dont
be memorable in any way-
and im like -where do you
get this stuff- and he shrugs
-soft controls- and i ask
-what are soft controls- and
hes all -soft controls are like
behavior modification
-without you realizing youre
being manipulated- and i just
shake my head and laugh -it
looked like magic-
he smiles and says -have you
ever heard of nlp neuro
linguistic programming- and
im like -uh no- and he goes
on
-have you noticed how crisis
staff talk when somebodys
flipping out their voices
lower and kind of fall into a
rhythm-
and i go -yeah thats so weird
i was gonna ask you about
that- and he smiles again and
goes -theres a hypnotic
effect at work
-how they start talking over
each other overlapping for a
second but they say the same
words and then the other guy
continues-
i nod -uh huh- he goes on
-youve gotta listen to the
word choices too they use
words or combinations of
words that you
-never normally would in a
situation like that- and again
im all -how do you know
this stuff- he grins at me
and switches gears -you
wont find this on the
interwebs dee dee you gotta
read real books original texts
are the only way to go-
and then he sees something
that pulls him back -oh yeah
now i know where we are i
just take a left here- and he
guides the truck over
down this almost dirt road
but its pretty secluded so i
feel a little less anxious and
im coming down off the
adrenaline
from the stoplight situation so
im actually pretty relaxed by
the time we get to the
cemetery and richie puts the
truck in park
-here we are- and im like
-here- and he goes -yup-
and gets out of the truck
slams the door starts moving
through scattered tombstones
like hes on some mission
and i open the passenger door
stick my head out and shout
-hey where the hell are you
going-
and he shouts back -i got a
couple of people i need to
see- and i go -what do you
mean- but hes out of earshot
by the time i catch up to him
hes darting back and forth
jumping up in the thin cold
air to try and see farther
-goddamn cemeteries they
should be arranged
alphabetically- and he goes
off in another direction and
i just trail along behind and
he stops suddenly and goes
–dee dee- and i say -what-
and he says -listen to that-
and i say -what-
and he shushes me and we
just stand there listening for a
minute and he asks me -do
you hear that- and i say
–what- for like
the hundredth time -i dont
hear anything- and he smiles
at me -yeah its awesome-
and i almost shout -what-
one last time and he
goes -its nothing the sound
of nothing- i shake my head
and richie goes -dont dismiss
it dee dee one of the best
things about the dead
-is they know when to shut
the fuck up- and he turns
back and starts moving again
further into the cemetery
he gestures at this bunch of
evergreens -now i think i
remember these two trees
from before
-i think its somewhere
between them and that flag-
and he points to a big marble
monument with benches and
all
-yeah somewhere over here-
big boots thudding on the
cold hard ground i sigh and
follow along and
he shouts –all right- crouches
down in front of two stones
side by side clears off some
dirt and leaves where they
accumulated
the names are RAYMOND
GANNETT and JANE
TULLE-GANNETT and the
birthdates are different
but the death dates are the
same june 18 1991 and i
peer in over richies shoulder
and ask -who are they-
richie keeps tidying the
stones -just a couple of dead
people- not taking it
seriously and i ask
-are these yr parents- and he
stops turns and looks at me
like im a dumbass -i was
born in 1994 what do you
think-
i look at the death dates again
and feel like a dumbass -oh
how did they die-
-car crash killed em both-
and i say –oh- and wait
awhile until richie clears a lot
more junk off the graves
-did they know yr parents-
and richie sighs -no my
parents dont have a lot of
like human interaction
-thats why i picked them-
and i go -what do you mean
thats why you picked them-
and he sighs through his teeth
goes -i was just kidding its a
joke- and i go -oh i dont get
it- and he just shrugs and
turns back to the tombstones
so i go -so were they like
people that - and richie
stands up and almost
shouting -do you have to be
-like fucking talking every
other second can you not
feel the need to constantly fill
the space- and i feel stupid
and go –no i was just- and
he keeps shouting -just enjoy
the silence for like one
goddamn minute okay- and
im just real quiet like
-okay- and i guess i kind of
sulk over to the side richie
squats down again and doesnt
say anything for awhile
then whispers to the graves
-this is bad magic i probably
shouldnt have come- and
kisses his fingers and touches
them to jane tulle-gannets
gravestone -i love you- and
gets up dusts his pants off
and thuds back to the truck
and i wait for a minute for
whatever i dont know but i
just kind of walk after him
and when i get to the truck
i wait to see if hes gonna just
drive off and leave me there
and he goes -are you coming
or what- so i just shrug and
get in
