Friday, July 31, 2009


Hey! This young lady Jia Hui is translating the keitai shousetsu Koizora over here at - check it out. Koizora isn't high art or anything, but you'll be able to see pretty quick why I fell in love with the format. Also, it corrected my spelling of shousetsu, which I believe is the most accurate or at least the spelling most often used by folks in the know.

RICHIE - CHAPTER FIFTEEN (Twitter Novel / Keitai Shousetsu)

getting back to fairview is
weird its not like i had some
super-great time at my
parents or anything like that

but its like i miss it at home

already even though im kind
of glad to be back at fairview
in this way that i completely
cannot explain

but mostly im just pretty

bummed out that greg was
the only guy i really hung out with
the whole time i was there

i mean no one else
called me back at all or
whatever and that pretty
much sucked so when

i go back up into the dorm

richies back and i hang out
with him for awhile and thats
pretty cool cuz hes not being
a dick

and we talk about how weird

home was and how no one
would hang out with me cuz
of the gun thing and it comes
to my mind

that richie totally did not give

a shit about the gun thing at
all which was awesome and
even though hes a creep in
other ways

i guess i am too or whatever

so hes talking about his time
at home and how he didnt
hang out with anybody either
and it was lonely

and strange and he doesnt
talk about his parents at all

except to say that they hardly
exist anymore which is fine
with him

and i think about how my

folks really arent there at all
either but im still not totally
cool with that but then again

im not sure what i do want

cuz if they were in my shit all
the time id probably freak out

the most surprising thing is

that richie goes -this may
sound weird but i think that
maybe we should

-like try to make more

friends- and thats kind of
what i was feeling too but i
totally didnt expect that from
richie and i tell him

and he goes all sheepish like

he got caught doing
something -yeah i know but
its like you know i totally

-get sick of just hanging out

with you all the time- and im
like –thanks- and he goes –no
no i know you get sick of me

and i say -yeah totally

especially when you say shit
like that- he scoffs -its not
about that its more like just

-trying harder everybody

here cant be a total
smackhead you know- and
im like

–what happened to you over

break that made you come
back all like mary poppins-

he sighs -idk i just thought

maybe that theres a way to be
like healthier you know-
shrugs -idk- so i go

-okay lets try to be like

more social justin can be
pretty cool- and richies like
-the kid with the hair- and he
makes this big

swooping motion over his

face and im like -yeah- and
he goes -well i mean yeah
we gotta try right itll be like
an experiment-

so we go through school and

stuff the next couple of days
and i can see that richies
trying really hard

not to be as much of an

asshole like in class he
doesnt call guys out on
being dumbasses as much

and in the dorm he starts

hanging out in the common
room more even though he
just reads and doesnt say

so the one night the 40s are

out and guys are taking hits
off the bong and theres this
time travel movie on the
flatscreen and

guys start talking about time

travel and richie puts his
book down for like the first
time ever and listens

and im drinking with justin

on one of the couches and
frejean blurts out totally
baked -time travel would be

big bald tyshawn goes
–hells yes go back to the 60s

do nothing but smoke weed
trip balls and get my dick

frejean responds -id go back

to gladiator times thats my
favorite shit get me a big-ass
sword some slave bitches
some wine

-pretty sweet son- then

richie suddenly cuts in -you
cant go back in time- and all
of them look over at him
kind of shocked

that he even talked frejean

scoffs -no shit sherlock but
fuckin what if you know
fuckin what if- richie throws
his arm over

the back of the chair hes in

and goes -no no i mean you
can absolutely travel in time
no doubt you just cant go

-you can only travel forward

in time- blank stoned looks
in return richie hikes himself
up in the chair -time is a
river right it just keeps
flowing along

-but as soon as you notice a

moment its past you it
flowed by you the past isnt
behind us its way out in front
of us far far away-

tyshawn takes a sip off his 40

-so if you cant go back in
time how do you travel

richie smiles -well you

know were actually
travelling forward in time
right now and now and-
points -now-

frejean scowls -aw fuck you

man thats all you got- richie
shakes his head -naw im just
being a dick- and im kind of
amazed by that

-to travel forward in time all

you ultimately have to do is
somehow get out of the river
of time out of the flow of

-and just wait for time to pass

by you and then like jump
back in- he shrugs -you just
have to find a way out of the
flow which is a bitch-

this kid tyler all glassy-eyed

murmurs -yr kind of
blowing my mind right now-
frejean actually seems

- so what could take

somebody out of the time
stream- and richie goes
-well death- frejean scowls


-no doubt fuckhead- and

richie leans in hard -no listen
what if death takes you out
but you find a way to stay
aware after death

-what if you stay you and

you come back in the future
just in a different body with a
different name- richie shakes
his head in amazement

-wouldnt that be like

travelling in time- tyshawn
turns and points at richie
accusingly -i got

-no idea what yr talking

about right now dude none-
and richie just gets up shrugs
at me with his hands open
and leaves

tyshawn and frejean go back

to talking about fucking past-
bitches and i help justin
finish the 40 and head back to
my room

so pretty much the next day

me and richie get together
and make an informed
decision that our experiment

was a miserable failure and

that we should steal another
car as soon as humanly

Saturday, July 25, 2009

RICHIE - CHAPTER FOURTEEN (Twitter Novel / Keitai Shosetsu)

the next day i start calling
everyone in my phone to see
whos around and who can
hang out

but nobody answers and idk

if theyre not off yet or busy
or whatever but after awhile

i go through my old stuff and

root out their like land lines
and call a few people that
way but

mostly i get their parents of

course cuz theyre the only
ones who still use land lines

and the ones who answer are

pretty weird to me for the
most part which i can pretty
much understand

cuz probably the last they

heard of me was before i
went to fairview and the
whole gun thing but

i leave messages with them

for charlie and chris and dan
but i dont get anything back
and im starting

to get kind of bummed out

but i call gregs house and the
old answering machine picks
up and i try leaving this

really like fake-cheery

message and greg picks up
halfway through and im
super-psyched but his voice
is quiet

and weird like hes trying not

to be heard or something and
he just tells me to meet him
at the kwik fill later on which
is cool

so i go out and walk over and

hes hanging outside and its
awesome to see him and we
go in and buy red bulls

greg tries to buy smokes but

they card him which is
bizarre to me cuz im used to
fairview by now and like

drinking 40s and smoking

weed as if it wasnt anything
at all and greg asks me what
its like there and i tell him
that stuff

and he kind of cant believe

how awesome that sounds
and it makes me feel really
cool until

i think about what was all

going through my head the
other night about the lines
and the screens

but i dont tell greg any of that

stuff just how i broke into the
locked door with my id and
he thinks thats super-cool

and i feel pretty badass so i

tell him about richie and
stealing the truck which also
totally impresses him

but he thinks richie sounds

like a total dick which i guess
i can understand from the
way i described him

so i try to like explain why

hes cool to hang out with
sometimes but i dont think
greg totally buys it

and he talks a little about how

it seems like since i went to
fairview im actually getting
wasted a lot more and

doing like more illegal shit

rather than less but i say that
although it seems like that

the good part is that i totally

dont feel like bringing a gun
to school anymore and his
face gets weird

and we talk about that for a

little while and greg explains
that he didnt want his folks to
know we were

gonna hang out cuz they were

pretty freaked out by the gun
thing and a lot of the other
parents were too

especially after salinas and

stuff and thats probably why
the other guys werent calling
back or whatever

not cuz they didnt wanna

hang but cuz of their folks
and whatnot and im like i
guess i can understand

but its still me im still the

same dee dee and greg goes
-dee dee- all quizzical and i

forgot for a second but i

dont want to go into the

whole richie thing again so i
just go –forget it- and he
looks at me weird again

but drops it anyway and i just

ask him what hes been doing
and we start talking about
girls for awhile

and gregs dating this girl

nicole who i always thought
had great tits and hes like

but theyre actually kind of

floppy and almost too big and
i go totally serious -no such
thing- and he laughs

and it almost feels like before

for awhile and we keep
walking and he talks about
these world war 2 games

hes really into and anime and

shit and its okay but then i
notice where we are cuz
weve been walking

and i realize were at my old

school his school and i look
at it and greg kind of fades
out and i zone into this weird

that i totally would never

think of normally but there
was this retarded girl there i
never knew her name

she was total special ed short

bus and the other guys used
to make fun of me cuz every
time shed see me in the

shed giggle and hide her face

and go –desmond- in this
weird high pitched retardy
voice and theyd all

imitate her and talk about

how she was my girlfriend
and id get super-pissed and
tell them all to fuck off

but i never did it like loud or

anything cuz she was just a
retard and i didnt want to
make her feel bad

you know i figured it was

hard enough to be retarded
and to have people making
fun of you all the time

and i realize as we walk by

the school that i was never
going back there

thered be no way theyd ever

let me go back there and i
would never see that retarded
girl again and i dont know

but it makes me like super-

sad to think of it and thats
just stupid shes just a retard
why would i care

but i do and it makes me

angry and sad at the same
time and i keep trying to
focus back on greg

and the shit that hes talking

about but i just cant get my
head around the fact

that some weird part of me

actually misses that retarded
girl and im angry and sad that
i dont know her name

Saturday, July 18, 2009

RICHIE - CHAPTER THIRTEEN (Twitter Novel / Keitai Shosetsu)

everybody gets sent home
over christmas if they have
homes to go to and it feels
really great and exciting at

all of us riding together in the

fairview van even though
richie got put on a train out of
town so im with frejean and

and some of the other guys

but everyones being cool cuz
theyre all basically happy to
go home so its pretty rowdy
and fun

and its snowing lightly and

its making me feel
christmassy inside even
though thats totally pussy but
i actually end up being the

to be dropped off and we pull

up and i can see a tree with
lights through the front
window and with snow
everywhere my house seems

totally weird to me like a

place i lived once in a dream
or something and my mom
comes out to the van and
signs the clipboard

and gives me a huge hug and

i walk with her to the front
door then the van drives off
and she asks how things are

and i tell her that things are

going good and she says
–good- and then we walk

inside and its really warm
like too warm

and my mom calls out to my

dad that im home and hes in
the other room watching tv
and he calls out –good-

and my mom takes me to the

kitchen and we sit at the
breakfast bar and eat my
favorite pizza from molinas
and she drinks a glass

of wine and i have pepsi and

she doesnt talk much but she
smiles at me a lot and i smile
back and when im done

she takes me up to my old

bedroom and she opens the
door and all the lights are on
and its cleaner than its ever

and theres other stuff thats

different too but my mom
looks at me funny and asks
–good- and i nod and she tells

me goodnight

and dont stay up too late

and i go in and look at my dvds
and all the horror movies are
gone and basketball diaries

ichi the killer and some other

stuff thats not even violent
she left full metal jacket
which is weird but whatever
and then

i look at my cds and theres a

lot gone there too all the rap
stuff marilyn manson spider
babies even kill taker

which i guess she took

because of the name cuz
theyre like totally positive
and straight edge but whats
weird is that i didnt notice

right away that my laptops

gone and i kind of freak out
quietly for awhile but then i
figure out theyre probably
just gonna

monitor me on their pc

downstairs so i go down to
see if i can get on and i guess
my mom went to bed

and i look in the living room

and my dads asleep in front
of espn and i walk up to him
and look down at his face

his eyes are closed and his

mouth is open and i think
about turning off the tv but
hes got a death grip on the

anyway im afraid hed wake

up if i turn it off so i look at
the tv and back at him for a
little while

then i go back up to my old

bedroom and read this
that i liked when i was 8 until
i fall asleep

Friday, July 10, 2009

RICHIE - CHAPTER TWELVE (Twitter Novel / Keitai Shosetsu)

the next morning it snows for
the first time this year and its
weird cuz

everyones obviously kind of

excited but acting like they
dont care about something as
gay as the first snowfall

but it definitely brings up all

those little kid feelings of like
snowmen and days off and
christmas morning

and everyones rushing to get

outside much more than
usual and i run into richie
and im like -hey its

and hes all blasé-blasé like
-hm oh really- and then i go

-i was looking for you last
night where were you-

and he gives me this weird

face -i was in my room what
do you mean- and i tell him
-i came down cuz

-i wanted to talk to you about

something- and he laughs in
a strange way -well idk what
to tell you dee dee

-i was in my room all night-

and i go -well when i came
down- and he blows up
-jesus what am i yr boyfriend

-maybe i was taking a shit

what the hell- and i go
-whatever man dont have a

fucking conniption- and he

-dont worry about me dee

dee- i stare at the floor -i
wont- then he sighs -so what
was this

-huge important thing you

just had to tell me about last
night- and im like -nothing
dont worry about it-

richie changes tacks on me
-aw cmon dee dee dont be

that way tell me all about it-
and frejean passes us in the

-whats the matter faggots

outta lube- and laughs to
himself richie waves him off
without even looking -fly
away shitbird-

frejean makes cocksucking

sounds and richie just gives
him the finger -cmon dee dee
im listening- and im like
-forget it

-lets just go to school- and

richie shrugs and we leave
the dorm and start walking
over and a bunch of guys

are already out there having a

snowball fight and theyre
whooping and shouting and

and honestly it looks super

fun and i stop and look for a
minute and then richies all
-dee dee are you coming-

and for a second i almost say

-no im gonna get in on this-
but i look over at him and hes
all impatient

i look back again and i shrug

and just follow him over to
the school and we pass the
wall by the cafeteria where
the graffiti was

and nulles and cuddy are out

there watching the physical
plant guys finish the
sandblasting before the snow
gets too bad

and we walk by and richie

gives them a jaunty wave and
nulles just stares at us with
his weird mouth all tight but

cuddys got that same little

smile and strange excited
look about the eyes that he
got with richie when the
graffiti first went up

and they just stand there and

watch us until we go in the
school again just like last
time the lines of our

lives running back and forth

over each other crossing and
recrossing again and again
and again and again

Saturday, July 4, 2009

RICHIE - CHAPTER ELEVEN (Twitter Novel / Keitai Shosetsu)

so of course i have to look up
krol anyway and theres
nothing in the fairview
library of course but i

go online and i figure if i
look hard enough i can find
something real on krol
because if i look hard enough

i can find women fucking
barnyard animals for
chrissakes but the weird thing
is that its pretty much just
like what richie said

every entry on him in the
webstapedia and other sites
starts off with –discredited
social scientist stanislav krol-
or –disgraced

-social scientist stanislav
krol- like they all kind of
copied off each other or
something and they talk some
about his studies of cult

but mostly its about his work
with patients taking
psilocybin mushrooms in
controlled conditions and
they make him sound like

some sort of crazy hippie
burnout or something but
they dont talk at all about soft
controls or what it means so
then something

interesting happens cuz i go
looking up soft controls and
its all like really positive
and talking about marketing
and advertising and

social media business
applications and a lot of other
terms that mean like
absolutely nothing to me but
they dont mention krol at all

or fairview or any of the
schools like it so i wonder
about the connection that
richies making like if theres
no one else making it

is it real but then i look up
nlp finally after my earlier
aborted stoned attempt and
again its all this positive stuff

social media marketing
strategies and i thought nlp
was kind of sinister the way
that richie described and the
way that crisis staff

use it to like totally
manipulate you in this really
weird way so you dont know
that theyre doing it and then
suddenly it was like

there was the story that the
words on the screen were
telling but then there was
like this other story that was
being told

between the words if that
makes any sense like the
parts that theyre leaving out
and the things that i saw and
felt were combining in this
weird way

that i never really
experienced before and i
started having this experience
like i was high but i wasnt
high like i could totally

still control where my mind
went even though i felt really
like elated and stuff and im
rising up out of my body

and im looking down at me at
the computer in my room and
then i rise higher

and im above the dorm but i
can still see me inside and
then these like lines start
appearing where i go

to the school then back to the
dorm then back to the school
and its like the same closed

every single day and the lines
just go back and forth over
each other again and again
and again

so that it seems like my
whole life is just one thick
line between two or three
points really

but then i rise higher and then
theres like this big spike out
where richie and me stole the

we drove to white rock
and drove around and came
back and i realize that

that line out is the only real
deviation from this ridiculous
back and forth straight line

that i lead that we lead at
fairview just school to dorm
to school to dorm and then
when we get there its all

like my computer screen and
the 52 inch flatscreen and my
ipod screen and the smart
boards they use at school

and then it gets a little scary
for awhile because that seems
really unreal to me and kind
of fucked up so then im back
in my body

at the computer screen and i
get up and turn it off cuz
honestly im a little grossed
out and i go down the hall

to talk to richie about it but
hes not there the room is
empty and im pissed cuz im

what i think is an epiphany
like isaacs is always on about
with those jack london short

he makes us read but anyway
hes not there and i go down
the hall to the common room

theyre playing pimptastic 2
and smoking bud but i am so
not into that at this minute
and justins in there

and i consider talking to him
about it cuz he can be cool
sometimes but hes totally
slack jawed from the weed
and just

staring at that huge 52 inch
screen and that kinda freaks
me out too so i just end up
finding my way

up to the roof through that
one door that richie showed
me and i end up out there

staring up at the stars and the
satellites for awhile and just
kind of thinking it all through

the funny part is when i
eventually get too cold to
deal anymore and i go to
come back in the door is

behind me and i am
completely screwed cuz if i
bang to get someone to let me
in and one of the guys comes

theyre gonna know about it
then and wanna come up here
all the time and thatll suck

and if its crisis staff thatll
suck even worse cuz then
theyll lock the door from the
inside and either way

richie will be super-pissed at
me so i just calm myself and i
get an idea and take my
laminated fairview id

and try and slip it between
the door and the frame and
jimmy the lock and it takes
about half an hour

but i finally do it and i almost
shout when it clicks open and
im super-psyched and i feel
like macgyver

but by the time i get back
down to my room the
adrenaline starts wearing off
and its really warm

so i basically just lay down to
crash and i crash hard