* This is a fictionalized account of some shit that actually happened. All the names, locations, etc. have been changed to protect the innocent as well as the guilty. – JG *
FADE IN:
INTERIOR – FALLSVILLE NORTH HALLWAY – DAY
As in earlier scenes, kids mill around in the hallway; however, this time they are quiet, doing more whispering more than anything else.
HOOVER (v.o.)
After Hannah was murdered, everyone
seemed sad, and then when Jeremy killed
his whole family, as sick as it was, everyone
seemed kind of excited. This time, after the
three suicides of Tim, Carolyn and Chris
in quick succession, everyone seemed scared
more than anything else. And we were no
exception.
D-Man comes up to Hoover, Griffin and the Misery Kid, who are standing by the lockers.
D-MAN
Okay, what the fuck is going on, man?
MISERY KID
It’s nothing, just typical depressed teen-
ager bullshit.
HOOVER
I don’t think so, Kid. If it was typical suicide
shit there would’ve been notes. Nobody left
a note.
D-MAN
Right. So basically someone is killing off
Fallsville North kids and making it look like
suicide!
HOOVER
Okay, wow, hang on. I’m not saying that. I’m
just saying it’s super-weird.
GRIFFIN
Whatever it is, it seems to be affecting every-
body – jocks, nerds, punks, heads, normal
kids – not targeting any one group at all.
D-MAN
Let’s face facts: someone or something is
killing us off one by one and no one knows
who or what is doing the killing.
MISERY KID
Don’t you think that’s a little dramatic?
D-MAN
I don’t know – will it be dramatic at your
funeral?
MISERY KID
(big smile)
The Misery Kid does not commit suicide.
D-MAN
Yeah, but Hannah and the Janks didn’t
commit suicide either.
HOOVER
Okay, look, no one else is gonna die. We’re
just gonna play our song at Fall-Fest and see
if it flushes anybody out. And speaking of Fall-
Fest, we gotta practice some more – we are
running out of time.
MISERY KID
And speaking of Fall-Fest, we got some adver-
tising to do. Come on, Hoover.
The Kid pulls Hoover over by his t-shirt; Hoover makes a rote protest. Caitlin is standing by another bank of lockers with her two friends from Scene 2. One of them, JACKIE, a brunette, slightly more voluptuous than Caitlin, is speaking.
JACKIE
The adults are totally clueless. They finally had
a town meeting about this stuff last night and do
you know what was decided?
CAITLIN
Uh, no?
The Kid and Hoover come over, invading their space.
JACKIE
They wanna change Fallsville North’s
team name from the Blue Devils to some-
thing “less Satanic”.
CAITLIN
Jesus Christ, that’s pathetic. (nods to the
Kid) What’s up?
MISERY KID
Yeah, hey. We just wanted to make sure
you ladies knew about the fabulous rock-
show going on this weekend.
JACKIE
(incredulous)
You mean Fall-Fest?
MISERY KID
Well, really I mean our band playing Fall-
Fest – we’re on at 7pm on Friday.
CAITLIN
(playing it cool)
What’re you guys called?
MISERY KID
(big smile)
Big Smashies.
JACKIE
Big Smashies?!
HOOVER
(stepping up)
Well, see, that way if we make a record it’ll
be filed between Big Black and Big Star.
CAITLIN
(thinks for a second)
Well, that might be cool.
Hoover moves in closer. The Misery Kid keeps talking with Jackie.
HOOVER
So, did you...um...ever get that Replacements’
album?
CAITLIN
(looks away)
No, I was waiting for you to make me that mix-
tape, but I guess I shouldn’t have waited.
HOOVER
(speechless)
No, wait, I mean...you were?
CAITLIN
(expressionless)
No, it’s cool, I understand. You must be
really busy practicing for this gig. On
Saturday.
HOOVER
But, no...actually it’s Friday...you wanted a
mixtape from me?
CAITLIN
(waves it off)
Whatever. (turns to Jackie) Hey Jack?
Jackie is smiling and touching her hair in response to the Kid’s attentions.
JACKIE
Yeah?
CAITLIN
(looking at Hoover)
What do you think? Do you wanna go see
these guys play this Friday?
JACKIE
Well, yeah, sure. If it’s lame we can just
leave, right?
CAITLIN
(smiles at Hoover)
Right.
JACKIE
(to the Kid)
Cool, then. See you later.
Caitlin just walks away. Jackie and the other girl follow.
MISERY KID
How’d it go?
HOOVER
(miserable)
Now I’m gonna kill myself.
MISERY KID
(scoffs)
C’mon ya wang! (brightens) We gotta
go practice, remember?
CUT TO:
