"SNAKELAND MUST BE DESTROYED!": SCENE FOURTEEN

* This is a fictionalized account of some shit that actually happened. All the names, locations, etc. have been changed to protect the innocent as well as the guilty. – JG *

HOOVER (v.o.)

There were none of the usual indicators: no

notes, no messages, no strange behaviors.

FADE IN:

INTERIOR – CAROLYN BREWSTER’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

CAROLYN, a pretty 17-year-old, is sleeping in her bedroom. The same soft tapping begins at her window. Carolyn wakes up, goes to the window, opens it. The Snake is there.

SNAKE

Find the gun, Carolyn.

In a kind of trance, Carolyn turns and leaves the bedroom.

CUT TO:

INTERIOR – CAROLYN’S PARENTS’ BEDROOM – NIGHT

Carolyn moves quietly through her parents’ bedroom, where they sleep soundly. Carolyn goes to the closet, opens it and pulls out an old shoebox. She opens the shoebox and pulls out a small revolver. Carolyn takes the gun and walks out of the room.

CUT TO:

INTERIOR – CAROLYN BREWSTER’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Carolyn walks back into her bedroom with the gun, waiting at the window for instructions. The Snake weaves back and forth hypnotically.

SNAKE

Use the gun, Carolyn. Use it tonight.

Carolyn walks away from the window, OFF SCREEN. There are some clicking sounds, then a gunshot, and a thud as Carolyn’s body hits the floor. The Snake slithers away. Moments later, Carolyn’s MOTHER and FATHER run into the room, flick on the lights and begin to scream.

FADE TO BLACK

"SNAKELAND MUST BE DESTROYED!": SCENE THIRTEEN

* This is a fictionalized account of some shit that actually happened. All the names, locations, etc. have been changed to protect the innocent as well as the guilty. – JG *

HOOVER (v.o.)

Right after that, the suicides started.

FADE IN:

INTERIOR – TIM DANVERS’ BEDROOM - NIGHT

TIM, an athletic 17-year-old, is lying on his bed reading Sports Illustrated. Various pennants and posters of sports figures line his bedroom walls. There is a very soft tapping at his window. Tim hears it, looks over, sees nothing, shrugs it off. The tapping begins again. Tim gets up, moves closer, looks out the window. There is a SNAKE there, on the windowsill, tapping at the glass with its tongue. Tim lifts the window, seemingly in a trance. The Snake speaks to him in a whisper.

SNAKE

Where are the pills, Tim?

Tim gets back up, turns around, leaves the bedroom.

CUT TO:

INTERIOR – BATHROOM – NIGHT

Tim flips on the bathroom light. In the medicine cabinet mirror, instead of Tim’s reflection, is Rand Myers.

RAND and SNAKE (as one)

Use the pills, Tim. Use them all.

Tim opens the medicine cabinet. He picks up a prescription bottle, opens it and begins pouring the pills into his mouth, dry swallowing frantically.

CUT TO:

INTERIOR – TIM DANVERS’ BEDROOM – NIGHT

The Snake is still at the window, body weaving back and forth hypnotically, regarding the empty room. After a moment, it slithers off the windowsill and away into the night.

FADE TO BLACK

"SNAKELAND MUST BE DESTROYED!": SCENE TWELVE

* This is a fictionalized account of some shit that actually happened. All the names, locations, etc. have been changed to protect the innocent as well as the guilty. – JG *

INTERIOR – GRIFFIN’S GARAGE – DAY

Hoover, D-Man, Griffin and the Misery Kid are in the garage again, rocking as hard as they possibly can on a new song. They all play the same instruments as before, and Hoover’s microphone is still affixed to an old vacuum cleaner as a stand.

HOOVER

(sings)

Useta wanna have a good job

Wear a big suit and a tie

But the Dow Jones went down and so did I

Useta wanna have a family

A smiling skull to press in a frame

But the station wagon exploded in flames

I! Want! This!

More than anything!

Flowers...

Then the Misery Kid leans into the mic and lets loose a huge, Black Francis-style scream, and the band slams the song home. Hoover looks askance at the other band members.

HOOVER

Cool?

D-MAN

Yeah, it’s awesome.

MISERY KID

It’s nothing without that scream, man.

You gotta leave the scream in.

Hoover smiles.

HOOVER

Yeah, yeah, you can keep the scream.

The Misery Kid pumps his fist.

MISERY KID

(To D-Man)

Yes! In your face, Damien!

D-MAN

(confused)

What? I liked the scream.

MISERY KID

Anyway, since I’ve now decided to stay in

this crappy band, I may as well tell you that

I signed us up for Fall-Fest.

GRIFFIN

Fall-Fest?! No way!

D-MAN

We’re not ready!

Hoover gestures to the vacuum cleaner.

HOOVER

We don’t even have a real mic stand!

MISERY KID

They’ll give us a mic stand!

D-MAN

We don’t have enough songs!

MISERY KID

Oh my god, you pussies. All we need is 3 songs.

3 songs. We’ve got 2 already! All McDangle here

(gestures to Hoover) needs to do is pump one

more out and we’re all set.

The other three look at each other warily. The Kid looks at them, waiting.

GRIFFIN

Hang on. We don’t even have a name for the

band.

The Kid smiles.

MISERY KID

Don’t sweat it. I had to give them a name when

I signed us up.

Hoover puts his head in his hands.

HOOVER

Oh god. What did you tell them?

The Kid steps back, grins and poses.

MISERY KID

“Big Smashies”.

GRIFFIN

That’s ridiculous.

D-MAN

I am not gonna be in a band called “Big

Smashies”!

HOOVER

Wow. That’s pretty bad, Kid.

MISERY KID

No, no, no listen, dig this: we’ll be between

Big Black and Big Star in the record racks!

They all take a minute to let that sink in.

MISERY KID

Huh? Huh?

HOOVER

Okay. It’s okay for Fall-Fest but if we find a

better name we’re changing it immediately.

MISERY KID

Whatever. (picks at his guitar for a minute)

So, anyway, we gotta write another song.

Hoover tilts his head.

HOOVER

We-ee-ll, I might have something.

D-MAN

Cool! Let us hear it!

HOOVER

It’s not done yet, but I can sing you the melody

and most of the words.

GRIFFIN

Go for it.

Hoover sighs and begins to click his sticks together.

HOOVER

1, 2, 3, 4!

CUT TO BLACK