Friday, February 27, 2009

RICHIE (Chapter One - Twitter Novel / Keitai Shosetsu Version)


the kid who was talking
before silent now
so i wrote what he said down

- adolescence is the furnace
in which the great themes of
our lives are forged -

which i think is kind of
brilliant his name is richie
mr isaacs looks at him

and i thought he was gonna
say something snide like he
does but he actually kind of
smiled

- interesting quote richie
who said that - kind of with
his lips pursed

- i did i mean i didnt say it i
wrote it down awhile ago
but its mine -

isaacs arches his eyebrows
says something about not
mixing the metaphors being
good but

goes on to question the
validity which i guess means
i like the way you said that
but i dont believe you

the richie kid folds his arms
leather jacket creaks which i
think is cool i want one

he asks why and mr isaacs
goes into song and dance
about experiences of a 15 or
16 year old boy

and 40 year old man he will
become being totally
different as he grows life
changes themes change

and if not then person ends
up being kind of retarded at
least emotionally richie puts his
hands palms down on table

goes - i dont mean everything
concerns beliefs stay the
same that would be crazy

- i mean stuff they care about
deep down most important
what makes them feel like
passion -

and a bunch of kids laugh at
- passion - because theyre all
super gay and damaged and
cant be mature about it

isaacs says he knows what
richie means and admires his
passion then looks around the
room and pinheads shut up

but then mr isaacs goes into
evolution of passion over
lifetime more reasonable
balanced modes of
expression

difference between an
arrested adolescent and
happy healthy adult and
richie sits back

goes - so you dont think truer
we stay to stuff we believe
now is more we fully stay
alive -

and isaacs laughs actually
laughs says - no not at all
this may be something that
can only be

learned by experience - and
the kid says under his breath
- maybe -

mr isaacs checks his watch
dramatically - thats as good a
place as any to stop chapters
4 and 5 for tomorrow -

//wave of groaning and
protest//

- look you little weasels stop
bitching or ill throw in
chapter 6 - immediate silence
- okay then -

then richie catches my eye as
im pulling on my pea coat
nods at me - nice shirt -

surprised i look down look
back up
- oh uh thanks -

-i didnt think anyone at this
school would know about
robert williams -

i pull up my pea coat - uh
whos robert williams - feel
immediately stupid

richie is taken aback - the guy
who drew the picture thats on
yr shirt dumbass -

i shrug downcast - i just got
it cuz ben from kill taker
wears one on their website -

richie whistles sadly through
his teeth - that band
suuuuuucks - pulls backpack
across shoulder

- do an image search on yr
shirt tonight and find out
about williams hes
awesome -

the kid swaggers out big
black boots thudding across
hardwood floor i say almost
inaudible

- sure -





12 comments:

Jason Gusmann said...

this is the cell phone version of the "richie" chapter. see watcha think.

Paul said...

That is brilliant, Jason. The kids voice is perfect, the depth of the idea hidden in the mumbling and stumbling and he displays the idea he discusses in his attitude. Brought him to life in 3D. And would definitely work, cell phone style in the market. Informed with referencing to pop culture and literary and social history that adds real value. Perfect.

maekitso said...

Fantastic! Please let Richie know that I looked up Robert Williams and his work is pretty damn cool you betchya.

Selma said...

You are someone to watch, I think. Your blog is really impressive - I like the name, your observations, your writing style - everything. I'll be back!

L.R.643 said...

i would definitely go for the regular version. this cell phone version is a bit too lengthy and lacks the mood of the regular one...

kek-w said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
kek-w said...

You should do a Twitter remix lol.

Jason Gusmann said...

actually...if you go to http://twitter.com/fictionlmixtape i'm kind of doing that now. thanks all of you folks for yr kind words, and i especially appreciate your gentle criticism, LR. the mood issue bugs me too, but i've got to see if that balances out with the immediacy, etc. either way, thanks again.

theperceptionpoint said...

That was wonderful, Jason. Not to disagree with others but I kinda liked the cell phone version more than the first- something about the formatting I really dug. I think you're a talented writer.

Cocoyea said...

I'm not sure if this is helpful, but the cell phone style prompted me to read the piece out loud. It works.

Jason Gusmann said...

um, "not sure if this is helpful"? only in completely making my day worth living. i couldn't be happier that you feel it works spoken - i was hoping that the "enforced stanzas" would work out rhythmically. thank you so much.

Renee said...

I like Richie more than Desmond so far. Mind you I am reading these in reverse order.

Your characters are absolutely real.

xoxo

Renee