when i find leanders room again the vibe is totally different and theres a lot less girls and the music seems strange
and jackies talking to the redhead with the big tits and they are kind of giving me the stink eye now
but richie and leander are back and richies in this like recliner totally smug grinning at me
and i totally dont want to deal with his bullshit so instead i walk over to the window where leanders smoking a blunt
and blowing it outside and i just sit down next to her and go -i guess i kind of blew it with jackie-
and shes holding in her hit and goes -you boys watch too much porn- and then she blows it out and in her normal voice goes
-you couldve totally got some tonight too if you hadnt gone about it so like clumsily- and shakes her head
and i feel like an asshole but she just goes -whatever- and hands me a pbr -do you want some of this- with the blunt
and i open the pbr and go
-sure- and i puff it real careful so i dont get it spitty or take too much and cough
so i blow my hit out and hand it back and sip on my pbr she blows on the cherry takes another hit
and i ask her -what kind of name is leander- just trying to make conversation but it comes out wrong
she doesnt seem to care though -my name is actually oleander like the flower- and i ask -why do they call you leander then-
-no one calls me that just richie- and i go -thats hilarious no one else calls me dee dee either- and she smiles her sleepy smile
-he told me he couldnt handle the shock every time he said my name- and i look at her like not understanding at all
and she bolts upright eyes all big in mock surprise -OH leander- and i get it and laugh and she laughs with me
and everything starts feeling okay again and she hands the blunt back to me and i take a bigger hit and cough it out a little
but its not a big deal and she laughs again and i ask her
-how long have you and richie been together-
she runs her hand through her
hair and goes -were not
really together really-
pauses a second -hes in love
with someone else-
and the weed is kicking in
now and i go -yeah hes in
love with himself- and she
looks at me for a second
then bursts into this huge
laugh and i look at richie and
hes totally confused and then
back at leander and she goes
-yr okay dee dee- and smiles
her smile and i go -yr okay
too leander- and she takes
the last hit and stubs it out
and the music changes again
and now its all piano and this
snaky guitar but its kind of
romantic too like slow and
sinuous
and leander sits up -dance
with me- and im all -i cant
dance- and she says -its
slow anyone can slow dance-
she nods at richie
-he wont do it- so i go
-okay- and we get up and she
puts my hands on her hips
and shows me how and it
seems really quiet
like everyone else stopped
talking but im really high so i
dont care and we dance and
the singer is doing these aah
aah ah ah ahhhs
and it feels great and i look
over at richie and hes smiling
but like surprised at the
same time but thats cool too
leander moves me in time to
it and theres more aah aah ah
ah ahhhs and we lock in
pretty much
she puts her head on my
shoulder and her hair smells
good but a different kind of
good slighter somehow
more subtle
and then the song ends and
richie is suddenly next to us
and goes -dee dee and lee lee
sittin in a tree tree-
and she lifts her head and he
kisses her hair then says to
me all serious
-we had better go-
so im kind of shocked at how many girls they fit into the room in addition to how many wanted to come down
its only me and richie and hes cool and all but im just me but theyre all being super nice to me anyway
and were drinking vodka and gatorade out of these plastic martini glasses that leander has and i feel like my parents
at a party in the 70s or something but i kind of get it like if a couple of girls from boxer showed up
at fairview all the guys in the dorm would definitely all pack in and the music is great all scratchy records
like hip hop samples and some are pretty funky and some are like cocktail party jazz or something
which is probably why i thought of my parents in the 70s im actually pretty buzzed even though i only had one drink
but i think maybe its partly the lights and the music and then this girl jackie refills my drink and shes being
super nice to me and i like her smile and her skirt and her hair smells like strawberries when she leans in
to pour my drink and I go
–strawberry blonde- like to myself but she hears and goes –what- but i feel weird and i go
-nothing- but even though i feel super awkward she keeps smiling and i smile back and it seems like
all of the sudden im in a place where i cant fuck it up like i usually do and it feels great
and i look around and then i cant find richie or leander and i guess they went somewhere else
but the other girls are all still talking and laughing and leanders roommate with the curly red hair and big tits keeps changing the records
when the songs end and i kind of want to go talk to her but jackie keeps smiling and talking to me
and even though her tits are pretty small shes cute and she smells great so i sit and drink with her
and i realize with richie gone im the only guy in the room and thats crazy i feel like hugh hefner but like much much younger
and i finish my drink and i wanna slow things down cuz i dont wanna get sick cuz it seems like
thats the only thing that could mess all this up so i try to get up and get one of those pbr out of the fridge before jackie pours me more
but when i try i get a headrush and im like -whoa- and sit back down and a bunch of girls laugh and it takes me back a second
but the laughs arent mean and then i laugh too jackie gets up laughing grabs my hand says -lets get you some air- and pulls me up
and she doesnt let go and it feels great she leads me through the room in slow motion and they all look at us and she doesnt let go
not embarrassed at all and i feel like im in a movie especially with the lights and the music its awesome
and jackies laughing and we go down the hall fluorescent light like another weird world outside of leanders room
and we go to her room and its not the same at all but its still cool and the low hum of the music from down the hall is still there underneath
and its soothing cuz im totally nervous under the drunk part but we sit down on her bed and she goes -do you feel better now- laughing
and im like -yeah- and she just keeps looking at me smiling and i lean in and kiss her
and she kisses back and its awesome shes a really good kisser or at least better than the other girls
ive kissed and we keep kissing and i put my hand on her knee and her skin is like super soft and
she makes a tiny little sound under the kissing and im super into it so i reach my hand
under her skirt to touch her pussy and then she pulls back and goes -wtf- and im confused so i go –what- and she gets up
shaking her head goes
-maybe we should go back- and im still confused and im like -what- and she just goes out the door
so im alone in her room for a second and its totally weird so i get up still buzzed and go on back down the hall
but i stop in the bathroom and splash a whole bunch of water on my face and look in the mirror
and the cold water makes me feel a little better but really not better at all
i swear to god that it took her one whole minute to smile i mean seriously from start to finish 60 seconds
breaking across her face like a new sunrise or something but i found out over time she does everything slowly
even stuff that you cant or shouldnt she has long dirty blonde hair little spray of nose freckles sleepy eyes
red and blue flannel shirt faded jeans rainbow toe sox a real slim slow slider she talks like she smiles but
–richie-
is all she says richie rocks back on his heels hands in front pockets -whats up leander- smiles pauses like waiting for something
and whatever it is she wont give it -not much to what do i owe it- seems like its been awhile but she wont say so
-ah nothing really fairview is boring as hell-
leander shrugs -boxer isnt much better i hope that it was worth the trip over- knowing that it was would have to be
-yeah well this is dee dee leander i had to get him off campus- and i ask her -did we wake you up-
and richie winces and leander turns to me with those sleepy eyes says -no i just always look like this-
and it takes forever but that smile finally breaks across her face and i know im ok richie says –are we coming in or what-
and leanders head rolls on her shoulders and she falls backwards into a cartwheel so slow it seems like gravity gives her a pass
and richie big boots thuds in i step over the threshold and its like a different world in there all of a sudden girl world
everything inside is somehow more colorful better-lit sweeter-smelling softer than everything that exists outside
its only the size of a regular double at fairview but for some reason seems 10 times bigger longer more space
there are like blue and purple tapestries hung everywhere and they replaced all the regular fluorescents with
colored aquarium lights and the music is soft and it hangs in the air like the incense traces
not like cheap weed-eradicator incense like youd smell in our dorm but somehow lighter and idk more romantic
a cardboard cowboy stand-up is right in the middle of the room by the windows guns drawn and by his feet theres
this little red record player with the speakers stretched out to either side of his wildly bowed legs and at either end of the room
miles apart are their beds and each one is like mounded with pillows and comforters and i just wanna
crawl in there in the soft and the warm and like never leave
but then the little fridge shuts with a clank and im back and leander goes -well weve got 3 cans of pbr thats it
-my roommate knows some girls down the hall whove got some vodka- she shrugs puts her hands in her pockets
richie nods - you better get that vodka this kids pretty uptight we gotta mellow him out a touch-
and i turn to him embarrassed and go -fuck you- way too loud and he looks at leander and says
-see what i mean- and leander raises her eyebrows then stretches and says
-well i got some weed-
richie says -good well need it- and she smiles sleepily slaps her denimed thighs and goes -it-is-decided- and moves to the door
but stops at richie and says quieter -its good to see you i didnt know if you were gonna come around anymore-
and richies all -yeah well im full of surprises- and she nods -yeah- and slips out the door
leaving it open about halfway and richie squats by the record player and starts pawing through the 45s
and im like -whyd you have to say that shit about me- and he doesnt look up but goes
-dee dee if i knew you were gonna get this bunged up over nothing i never wouldve brought you-
and this shuts me up so i just kind of look around for a minute then im like -is she gonna get in trouble
-for having us here- and richie says all irritated -did she look worried-
but then he looks up from the records -boxer is just like fairview dee dee as long as the money flows everybodys happy
-as long as nobody falls out the window and gets on the news its just a party- he smiles then for a second
-its just a party dee dee-
of course when we started talking about stealing a car i didnt realize that richie would want to steal dean cuddys bmw
i mean i knew that it would end up being some staffs vehicle cuz richie already made clear that the physical plant trucks were
too unreliable in the snow to mess with again but i guess its the fact that its cuddys car and its so much higher end than that shitty truck
we took last time thats got me all nervous and stuff richie tells me thats all mental and to stop psyching myself out but its pretty hard
so anyway friday night about 10:30 we start walking down the road leading off campus and the snow isnt bad
theres very little actually falling its just packed down hard in the road and the plows have thrown
these huge banks up onto the roadsides so unfortunately theres no underbrush or anything to hide in so
if a staff car is coming or going while were walking the road were pretty much fucked so we start out trying to be quiet
but the packed snow crunches underfoot and sound really carries in the thin cold air so all we can really do is avoid talking
and just basically spend the walk watching our breath in the moonlight and soon enough the faculty village comes into sight
i knew that they housed the administration just off-campus everyone did it wasnt a secret it was one of the perks of the job i guess
it was really only crisis staff and dorm workers who had to be local enough to commute in every day richie said this was part of the
krol methodology as well but i dont care really i just want richie to be able to find dean cuddys house and if im being honest
i want him to not be able to start the bmw so we could just go back to the dorm where its warm and safe
richie quietly ticks off the houses as we pass them
-isaacs- -manley- with a grunt -nulles- and we duck past streetlights and over
one block and richies like
-thats it- in front of this
boxy looking house that basically looks like all the others
and i cant figure out how richie could tell them apart in the dark until i see the silver bmw sitting in the driveway
and im like -why in the driveway- in a whisper and he goes -his wifes in town- and points to the closed garage and then
points to his brain with an exaggerated wink and i almost laugh but stop myself just in time and he goes
-watch for cars if you see one run behind the house ill hear you- and leaves me in the street and creeps up to the house
looks once in the window then goes to the car and pulls out the slim jim and goes to work on the door
it only takes a couple of minutes and it seems really loud to me but then hes in and hes holding the door real gentle-like
and he squats down by the edge of it with his hand on the handle and he starts opening it super-slow and
counting to himself and when its open just enough he reaches his arm through up to his shoulder and does something inside i cant see what
then the alarm starts and i nearly shit my pants but its just a strangled little queef of a sound before richie squelches it
and he just squats there at the base of the door totally still watching the window to see if anyone looks out and after a minute passes
he stands up and goes -psst- and motions me over and i shuffle over to him and whisper –wtf- he answers
-im gonna show you how
-to do this in case you ever need to- and im like
-whatever just hurry- and he reaches in and releases the parking brake
-help me push this into the street so they dont hear us start it- so i go up to the hood while he pushes on the door column
and we get it out of the driveway and he jumps in hits the brakes and waves me over and hes got this like crowbar thing
and he rips out the panel right below the steering wheel and asks me -did you get to stendhal in english yet- and i go
-english what what are you- and he yanks two wires out
-the red and the black dee dee the red and the black- he touches the bare ends
together and the thing comes to life -never forget stendhal dee dee now get in- i run over to the passenger side and open it
and richie is hunched under the steering wheel twisting the wires together -goddamn it- he whips up shaking his hand painfully then
throws the bmw into gear
-lets get the fuck out of here- and he eases us around and out of the faculty village then floors it
and it really is something else entirely idk if its cuz its night or the bmw is so much nicer or cuz its cuddys but
its much more exciting this time and richie throws it into fifth and exhales slowly -this is a superior piece of machinery- and grins at me
-look what kind of music he has- and im like -shit i shouldve brought my ipod- cuz theres a dock but richie just goes
-next time- and i laugh -as if- and richie shrugs so i go through cuddys visor sleeve and its all like soundtracks and old blues
and new age garbage and i go -theres nothing here but shit- and richie goes -whatever- totally jaunty and i ask him
-so where are we going
-this time- and he smiles
-were going to boxer you know our sister school- and i go -boxer thats like almost an hour away-
and hes all -not in this thing ill be there in 45 minutes- and im like -thats gonna take way too long
-were gonna get busted- and he waves me off -stop worrying dee dee- and i ask -whats so great at boxer- and he looks at me
like im an idiot -girls- and i go -oh- and he says -i know this girl leander who goes there
-shes pretty cool- and im getting really uptight -you know cuddy or mrs cuddy could look out that window at any time and we are fucked-
richie starts getting pissed
-dont be such a pussy dee dee if you didnt want to come you shouldve thought of that a long time ago-
and i go -i didnt know we were gonna be gone for like 4 hours- and richie starts shouting -i didnt go through all that back there
-just to drive around the fucking block now we just stole a car theres nothing you can do but just sit back and enjoy the ride jesus-
i sit back and shake my head -this is gonna take way too long theyre gonna have the cops after us- and richie blows up again
-why do you always have to be such a mincing little queer- and i shout -fuck you asshole you sound like frejean- and he
grimaces and doesnt say anything for a minute then he punches the steering wheel
-fuck- runs his hand through his hair and goes
-look just dont say anything else until we get there okay- and im like -fine whatever- and we ride the rest of the way there in silence
