next day i get back to the
dorm after school and i walk
by richies room and hes
standing by the side of his
bed
and hes looking at the wall
and i dont say anything but
just walk closer to the door
and all the pictures
of salinas on 12/01 have been
ripped down the wall is
empty except for little pieces
of tape and tack holes
and little fragments of paper
still fluttering here and there
and richie reaches out to
touch one with his finger
then sadly just lets his arm
drop to his side and continues
to stare at the now empty
wall and i
want to go in and say
something or do something
but i have no idea what and
the ripped pictures arent even
there
crumpled on the floor or in
the garbage can theyre just
gone basically and im angry
and confused but mostly
im just sad cuz ive never seen
richie like this its strange he
just looks defeated and
weirdly old like not 16 but
like a grown man and not in a
good way like idk middle-
aged and sad like my dad or
something and i just
keep standing there looking
at him and i want to leave
before he turns and sees me
but its like i cant
i just keep watching him idk
why its like i have nothing to
gain but i just keep watching
him anyway
and then i hear this like
happy shout come from the
common room and i look
over and justin comes out
smiling
he sweeps the hair out of his
eyes and sees me -hey
somebody put the g5 back-
he waits for a reaction
but i dont really know what
to say so he goes -so thats
cool- and then he walks up
to richies door
moves in next to me in the
doorway and goes -hey
richie cuddys office called
the dorm he wants to see
you- then turns
back to me -were playing
gridiron extreme- then
smiles again and goes right
back into the common room
i turn back to richie
in time to see his chin drop to
his chest he doesnt say
anything doesnt move again
and suddenly i dont want to
stay any longer so i just turn
around and leave
5 comments:
richie is such a character, you think you know him and then something else unfolds, he is one of my favorite alltime leading men. he's a little stoic sometimes and its somehow refreshing. he's a sort of maverick, theres something exciting about that. hes right up front and he also keeps it in. i really like richie and his pal the narrator is a thoughtful reflection and quick reaction
and quite raw, funny as well as sweet in his musings.
thanks jason, this is a masters work and a joy to read
i forgot to mention the moments where you are at the wall and the details of bits of refuse, the atmospheric details of scene and place, some seem 2 b barely brushed and r really great and vivid while laid back
and absorbed
see, it really got to me. sorry for talking too much!
This chapter is all about control of tone, emotional tone and you've pulled it off brilliantly again. You have a gift for opening out the internal life of your characters without any unnecessary description. You don't say, he is feeling blah blah, you just evoke the emotion through the writing. Amazing.
Another great tale/poem, faithfull to your style, antratayining, and magic at the same time.
I loved the endnging simplie and neat!
Cuz you do it clear!
Take care dude
the tone of this chapter is so folorn. we are starting to crawl inside richie's head and look out, rather than standing by looking in.
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