Saturday, January 16, 2010

GOODBYE CIGARETTES


i know this love is over

but no one can know how hard it is

to let you go

because loving you is loving death

and thats been the sweetest

its always been the sweetest

all the warnings in the world just made it sweeter

this deferred embrace


-but daddy always told me

dont leave the girl yr with

until youve found a new one

to take her place-


so what then?

healthy

i will love healthy

i will love myself

vitamins + vitamin water

regular exercise

a balanced diet

goodbye sweetness

goodbye measured tinctures of death


so boring

you wanna put a bullet in yr brain


some will read this + laugh at all the romantic drama

but they will never know the joy

of having a drink with you

or sipping strong coffee in yr stronger atmosphere

or reaching across to kiss you in the car

when the perfect driving song comes on


you drew my attention

to every breath i took

even as you brought them ever shorter

you made me feel invulnerable

inhaling my armor

a tiny glowing weapon in my fist

never alone walking in the dark


yr other lovers

sprawled across time + space

never made me jealous

there was always enough love

(death)

to go around


but this relationship needs to end


when i havent seen you for awhile

that first kiss feels so good

but midway through

i forget im kissing you

and we cannot continue this way


i need you the most when yr away

but when yr back

so quickly we take each other for granted again


this relationship needs to end


how could i love you for so long

+ have it go this wrong

ive been trying to get back that first year

for the last eight


got to get used to being haunted by you


so i will bury my love

go different places

see other people

+ deny that we were ever lovers

when i see you

i will look away

+ when i smell yr scent

i will block it out

+ on the long drive

i will reach for you

+ you wont be there

i love you

i will always love you

but i know this relationship has to end


what love

could possibly take its place?


10 comments:

Jason Gusmann said...

I quit on February 5th. Ain't gonna be easy.

tipota said...

u will be fine jason u will wonder what u ever saw in her (shes such a controlling bitch)

Sherry said...

Good luck Jason!
Keep writing, write & write instead, whenever you feel like smoking:) And we will read & read..

theperceptionpoint said...

jason, i battle that irresistible urge for a sweet hot drag of smoke into my seared lungs all the time!

you know what you get in exchange? the ability to really smell, taste, and breathe. greater mental focus. ten years off of your skin. more energy. An improved libido and sustained performance. A taste of some of the youth cigarettes took away from you!

PS I recently successfully quit tobacco after smoking for too many years, so good luck to you.

Jason Gusmann said...

thanks, ladies! im gonna make it, sure of it...

dee said...

good luck jason...it isnt easy...i was down to 5 a day and suppose to stop on new years day...my daughters bday...then life happened az it always does...but i have promised myself i will quit forever on my bday...just a few days away...congratz again...you can do it :D

Jason Gusmann said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jason Gusmann said...

good luck back atcha, dee - you can do eet!

Narnie said...

Hey Jason - I'm with you all the way. There's a webbie that can help if you want (email me and I'll pass it on). I am still a pack a day and to be honest the greatest fear is that it is the only thing that keeps me sane, haha. Good luck to you, my friend.

Jason Gusmann said...

hey narnie, i've got that same fear - i always think that once i stop smoking everyone is gonna figure out how crazy i really am! good luck right back -