next day i get back to the dorm after school and i walk by richies room and hes standing by the side of his bed
and hes looking at the wall and i dont say anything but just walk closer to the door and all the pictures
of salinas on 12/01 have been ripped down the wall is empty except for little pieces of tape and tack holes
and little fragments of paper still fluttering here and there and richie reaches out to touch one with his finger
then sadly just lets his arm drop to his side and continues to stare at the now empty wall and i
want to go in and say something or do something but i have no idea what and the ripped pictures arent even there
crumpled on the floor or in the garbage can theyre just gone basically and im angry and confused but mostly
im just sad cuz ive never seen richie like this its strange he just looks defeated and weirdly old like not 16 but
like a grown man and not in a good way like idk middle-aged and sad like my dad or something and i just
keep standing there looking at him and i want to leave before he turns and sees me but its like i cant
i just keep watching him idk why its like i have nothing to gain but i just keep watching him anyway
and then i hear this like happy shout come from the common room and i look over and justin comes out smiling
he sweeps the hair out of his eyes and sees me -hey somebody put the g5 back- he waits for a reactionbut i dont really know what
to say so he goes -so thats
cool- and then he walks up
to richies door
moves in next to me in the
doorway and goes -hey
richie cuddys office called
the dorm he wants to see
you- then turns
back to me -were playing
gridiron extreme- then
smiles again and goes right
back into the common room
i turn back to richie
in time to see his chin drop to
his chest he doesnt say
anything doesnt move again
and suddenly i dont want to
stay any longer so i just turn
around and leave
so a couple of days later the g5 goes missing from the common room which is weird cuz it wasnt the memory card
or one of the games but the entire system which doesnt make any sense cuz first off how could someone hide it and secondly
no one could use it in their room or something without everyone knowing but either way its gone and after school cuddy and nulles
and a few of the physical plant workers come to the dorm and start doing room searches looking for it and none of the guys object at all
including me and they go through almost like apologetically and when they actually find something like porn
or weed or a bottle of vodka cuddy just goes like –watley take care of this- or
–malachowski i dont want to see this again-
and they just move on not even taking the stuff they found which is kinda crazy to me but the physical plant guys are
totally stone faced they just seem to be there to like
lift mattresses and stuff and it feels super weird when they go through my room
but they dont find anything and cuddys just like all sheepish –sorry- and im like –its cool- and nulles just stands there with his
red glasses and tight little mouth all creepy and shit and they just move on to the next one and all of us just kind of follow
from room to room and watch all clustered around the doorways as they do exactly the same thing to everybody and find no g5 of course
but then they get to richies room and it gets like tenser cuz i think a lot of the guys here think richie did it even though
i know thats absolutely ridiculous but when were all standing at his door frejean goes to tyshawn –he definitely did it
-he hates video games- and i go –why the fuck would he steal the g5 if he hates it so much- and frejean looks over his shoulder at me
like im retarded -so none of us can play it dumbass- then he looks at tyshawn shakes his head and looks back into the room
where cuddy and nulles and
the physical plant guys are
standing in front of richies
bed taking up almost all of
the available space
and richies sitting on the bed
with his arms folded and
cuddy smiles at him -richie
you know what were doing
here may i take a look
-through yr room for the
missing g5- richie smiles
back -no you may not-
cuddy mustve been expecting
this cuz he just goes
-why would you respond to
my request in that manner i
wonder- and richies smile
nearly breaks when he says
-because its invasive
-because its condescending
because it betrays trust-
cuddy raises his eyebrows
-trust- richie says –yes
-you should just ask me if i
did it id say no why the hell
would i you trust me the
end- cuddy gestures briefly
back at all of us
at the door -none of yr
classmates had any problem
with the search- and richie
looks away shrugs looks
back
-maybe they didnt think it
through clearly enough- and
someone not frejean shouts
from the back -let him look
asshole- and a few
guys laugh cuddy turns
shakes his head gestures with
his hand silence again his
tone is regretful -you know if
you dont let us search
-and all yr classmates do-
breathes -the finger of
suspicion will remain pointed
at you rightfully or not- tilts
his head
-can you withstand that sort
of pressure- and richie
doesnt even acknowledge the
threat -sure because i didnt
do it and you
-and everyone else should
believe me when i say that-
and cuddy is about to go on
when his eye is caught by
something on the bed
-is that yr teddy bear richie-
and richie smiles -sure is
thats ah pook the destroyer-
and nulles grunts and cuddys
face falls
-did you spray paint the wall
in the commons richie- and
richie doesnt look away but
doesnt respond either cuddy
steps closer
-did you take my car richie-
and richie looks away and
cuddy nods bites his lower lip
-okay i think were done
here-
then goes to turn away but he
is stopped again by all the
salinas school shooting stuff
taped up on richies wall he
gestures to it
-do you think this is
appropriate- and richie looks
up at the wall then back to
cuddy -i didnt know we had
to clear
-our room decorations with
you too- cuddy nods -room
decorations hmm- turns to
the physical plant guys -lets
move on- and they backtrack
through us at the door but
nulles stares at richie for a
few moments seething and
richie just stares back until
nulles grunts
turns on his heel and
steamrollers through the door
after hes gone the guys pour
into the room tyshawn goes
-were gonna get you
-you fucking asshole- and
frejean points at richie
-fucking dick that g5 better
be back tonight- richie clicks
his tongue and shrugs
and everyone else leaves but
me i ask him -what was that
all about- and richie starts
sorting a pile of books on his bed
-im just not gonna put up
with that kind of shit- and i
go -but if you let them look
they wouldnt have found
anything
-and this would already be
over for you now everybody
thinks you did it- richie sighs
-yeah i know but i didnt- and
i think for a minute
-is this like a principle thing-
and richie straightens up
looks at me -yeah its like a
principle thing-
i sit down on the other end of
the bed and start looking
through the books -you
know everyone thinks im an
asshole
-for even hanging out with
you- and he scoffs -so dont-
and i find this book by phillip
k dick and leaf through it
while richie keeps sorting and
silently making little stacks
of books between us on the
bed
so next morning richie slaps me on the leg and the impact travels in a wave all the way up my body and stops at my head
where it wakes me with this thudding horrible ache that is instantly worse than anything ive ever felt before
followed by an intense feeling of blind panic -holy shit holy shit did you take the car back- i attempt to sit up on the bed
which fails completely and then i fall slowly back to the pillow moaning richie laughs -yeah yeah i took it back we didnt get caught-
my suffering abates for a moment -good- and then he says –i left cuddy a note on the steering wheel thanking him for the loan though-
im reeling and i cant tell if hes fucking with me or not
-oh god tell me yr kidding me- and he says -naw i didnt write that
-i wouldnt write something like that- and again the pain recedes for a second he goes on -i wrote –ah pook is here- on a post-it
-and left that on the steering wheel- and i cant even get pissed anymore -whatever man- i just roll over
then he says -i didnt come over to tell you that i came over to tell you what i figured out after last night
-about what you asked me in the car- and i just moan
-jesus christ i dont care just leave me alone- and put my hands over my ears
his voice becomes oddly thoughtful -you know when you asked me that if we are friends i actually had to think about that-
i take my hands away from my head and sigh -oh great i cant wait to hear the rest-
-no really i mean theres gotta be some reason i hang out with yr beaver cleaver ass right-
i dont say anything already getting tired of being insulted and hes just getting started
-what it is i think you remind me of somebody that i used to know that i really liked- he stops for a minute
-or better yet i mean you remind me of the kind of person that person wouldve really liked
-she was always saying i was way too hard on everybody except her and she wouldve liked you a lot
-she wouldve been pissed at me for being mean to you and maybe she wouldve been right so i guess we are friends-
im dizzy now -are you talking about leander-
he shakes his head scowls
-no not at all-
//something goes off in my brain through the fog//
-you mean jane jane tulle-gannett-
his back straightens involuntarily stops moving tries to laugh it off -what-
-you do jane tulle-gannett the dead woman we went to see her grave-
he grimaces -you fucking smackhead she was dead before i was even born how would that even be possible-
i kinda laugh -i dont know but its her i dont know how but it is her- i laugh again
-its her i remind you of or someone shed like
-or whatever- richie gets up shakes his head pats the bed -okay hungover guy get some rest apparently you still got a lot to sleep off-
im amazed -i cant believe i figured it out holy shit its jane tulle-
and he cuts me off -just shut up you dont know what the fuck yr talking about just shut up and go to sleep-
walks out of the room -dont know why i even tried to be nice to you fucking smackhead-
but im right and i know im right and i drift back off into fuzzy half-sleep trying to figure out how that could possibly be
i am drunk and stoned and i am riding shotgun in a stolen car and i have never felt better in my life
i kissed a girl tonight and i danced with another one and i can still smell them on me even with the window down
and the heater on the air rushing in on my face and through my hair is making my skin feel alive with the glory of love
and i know tomorrow im gonna feel weird and regretful about a couple of the things that happened but
this other thing is buggin me and i know im loaded but i wanna know so i go ahead and ask him anyway
-richie- nothing -richie- nothing –RICHIE-
-what what i thought you were asleep- and i realize my eyes are closed
i open them turn in the seat –are you my friend- and he laughs –what what the hell are you talking about-
-you heard me are you my friend- he smiles funny says –dee dee why would you ask me something like this-
-cuz i dont know why you hang out with me you always say nasty stuff about me and put me down
-and you dont even call me by my goddamned real name its desmond DESMOND-
-dee dee i know what yr real name is- sighs almost –i dont wanna call you the same thing yr parents call you
-do you think my real name is richie- and i think about it for a second but i am way too buzzed and i say
-no man no thats not it man its about respect- and richie laughs and laughs then asks me if im mack daddy or daddy mack
and i tell him to eat me and he says something even ruder back but by the time im ready to respond im halfway up the stairs
and then im in my bed somehow and i think to myself maybe i should take my wet sneakers off
and then suddenly it doesnt matter anymore
The poets have taken over Overland! Go to http://web.overland.org.au/ and check out the many Overload Festival happenings being created and overseen by the lovely and talented Maxine Clarke!
