Saturday, August 8, 2009

RICHIE - CHAPTER SIXTEEN (Twitter Novel / Keitai Shousetsu)

of course when we started
talking about stealing a car i
didnt realize that richie would
want to steal dean cuddys

i mean i knew that it would

end up being some staffs
vehicle cuz richie already
made clear that the physical
plant trucks were

too unreliable in the snow to

mess with again but i guess
its the fact that its cuddys car
and its so much higher end
than that shitty truck

we took last time thats got me

all nervous and stuff richie
tells me thats all mental and
to stop psyching myself out
but its pretty hard

so anyway friday night about

10:30 we start walking down
the road leading off campus
and the snow isnt bad

theres very little actually

falling its just packed down
hard in the road and the
plows have thrown

these huge banks up onto the

roadsides so unfortunately
theres no underbrush or
anything to hide in so

if a staff car is coming or

going while were walking the
road were pretty much fucked
so we start out trying to be

but the packed snow crunches

underfoot and sound really
carries in the thin cold air so
all we can really do is avoid

and just basically spend the

walk watching our breath in
the moonlight and soon
enough the faculty village
comes into sight

i knew that they housed the

administration just off-
campus everyone did it
wasnt a secret it was one of
the perks of the job i guess

it was really only crisis staff

and dorm workers who had to
be local enough to commute
in every day richie said this
was part of the

krol methodology as well but

i dont care really i just want
richie to be able to find dean
cuddys house and if im being

i want him to not be able to

start the bmw so we could
just go back to the dorm
where its warm and safe

richie quietly ticks off the

houses as we pass them
-isaacs- -manley- with a

grunt -nulles- and we duck
past streetlights and over

one block and richies like
-thats it- in front of this
boxy looking house that

basically looks like all the

and i cant figure out how

richie could tell them apart in
the dark until i see the silver
bmw sitting in the driveway

and im like -why in the

driveway- in a whisper and
he goes -his wifes in town-
and points to the closed
garage and then

points to his brain with an

exaggerated wink and i
almost laugh but stop myself
just in time and he goes

-watch for cars if you see

one run behind the house ill
hear you- and leaves me in
the street and creeps up to the

looks once in the window

then goes to the car and pulls
out the slim jim and goes to
work on the door

it only takes a couple of

minutes and it seems really
loud to me but then hes in
and hes holding the door real

and he squats down by the

edge of it with his hand on
the handle and he starts
opening it super-slow and

counting to himself and when

its open just enough he
reaches his arm through up to
his shoulder and does
something inside i cant see

then the alarm starts and i

nearly shit my pants but its
just a strangled little queef of
a sound before richie
squelches it

and he just squats there at the

base of the door totally still
watching the window to see
if anyone looks out and after
a minute passes

he stands up and goes -psst-

and motions me over and i
shuffle over to him and
whisper –wtf- he answers
-im gonna show you how

-to do this in case you ever

need to- and im like
-whatever just hurry- and he

reaches in and releases the
parking brake

-help me push this into the

street so they dont hear us
start it- so i go up to the
hood while he pushes on the
door column

and we get it out of the

driveway and he jumps in
hits the brakes and waves me
over and hes got this like
crowbar thing

and he rips out the panel right

below the steering wheel and
asks me -did you get to
stendhal in english yet- and i

-english what what are you-

and he yanks two wires out
-the red and the black dee

dee the red and the black- he
touches the bare ends

together and the thing comes

to life -never forget stendhal
dee dee now get in- i run
over to the passenger side
and open it

and richie is hunched under

the steering wheel twisting
the wires together -goddamn
it- he whips up shaking his
hand painfully then

throws the bmw into gear
-lets get the fuck out of here-

and he eases us around and
out of the faculty village then
floors it

and it really is something else

entirely idk if its cuz its
night or the bmw is so much
nicer or cuz its cuddys but

its much more exciting this

time and richie throws it into
fifth and exhales slowly -this
is a superior piece of
machinery- and grins at me

-look what kind of music he

has- and im like -shit i
shouldve brought my ipod-
cuz theres a dock but richie
just goes

-next time- and i laugh -as

if- and richie shrugs so i go
through cuddys visor sleeve
and its all like soundtracks
and old blues

and new age garbage and i go

-theres nothing here but shit-
and richie goes -whatever-
totally jaunty and i ask him
-so where are we going

-this time- and he smiles
-were going to boxer you

know our sister school- and
i go -boxer thats like almost
an hour away-

and hes all -not in this thing

ill be there in 45 minutes-
and im like -thats gonna take
way too long

-were gonna get busted- and

he waves me off -stop
worrying dee dee- and i ask
-whats so great at boxer- and
he looks at me

like im an idiot -girls- and i

go -oh- and he says -i know
this girl leander who goes

-shes pretty cool- and im

getting really uptight -you
know cuddy or mrs cuddy
could look out that window at
any time and we are fucked-

richie starts getting pissed
-dont be such a pussy dee

dee if you didnt want to
come you shouldve thought
of that a long time ago-

and i go -i didnt know we

were gonna be gone for like
4 hours- and richie starts
shouting -i didnt go through
all that back there

-just to drive around the

fucking block now we just
stole a car theres nothing you
can do but just sit back and
enjoy the ride jesus-

i sit back and shake my head

-this is gonna take way too
long theyre gonna have the
cops after us- and richie
blows up again

-why do you always have to

be such a mincing little
queer- and i shout -fuck you
asshole you sound like
frejean- and he

grimaces and doesnt say

anything for a minute then he
punches the steering wheel
-fuck- runs his hand through

his hair and goes

-look just dont say anything

else until we get there okay-
and im like -fine whatever-
and we ride the rest of the
way there in silence