Friday, May 14, 2010

PSYCHOPOMP - CHAPTER TWELVE (Twitter Novel / Keitai Shousetsu)

For Chapter One, click here

Another seven days, a week. So, what does KG do this week? All the things he always does. When he goes online to the mental health forums, he sees many more entries on Comaxyn than prior. As KG has had a relatively easy time on the drug he is surprised by the large amount of problem cases and posts about the side effects. The only side effect that KG has noticed so far is vivid dreams, and the other issues that come with especially vivid dreams: momentarily mistaking them for memories, difficult transitions between waking and sleep, a minor issue with depersonalization and perceived unreality. In fact, KG is still looking at this as a positive aspect of Comaxyn as he plans to use some of the more memorable dream-stuff in his recording work.

Aside from the usual side effect complaints posted (headache, dizziness, sexual dysfunction), there are a great many more dealing with the vivid dream aspect but in a far more extensive way than KG expected or has heard of before. There are mentions of rock-solid belief in false memories created by the dreams for days afterward; mentions of disruptions in work schedules due to mistakenly assuming multiple days had passed and that the weekend had arrived two days too soon; and, most sinister, mentions of a condition referred to as PDS or Permeable Dreamstate Syndrome. Although the details of this supposed syndrome are sketchy at best, a condition actually using the term ‘syndrome’ usually indicates a lawsuit in the offing, and these rumors this early in Comaxyn’s release process are definitely not a good sign. However, as far as KG is concerned Comaxyn has been a fine substitute for the Paxil and he is actually a little worried that the pharmaceutical company might pull it for further study.

So KG goes to work with the material he has amassed in his journals from the more vivid dreams. With “Desert Music III” in mind as he sits down to collage and compose, he attempts to translate the atmospheres to musical terms and finds that although the dream-stuff is extremely atmospheric and readily translatable to musical soundscapes, none of the pieces he begins have any of the sense of space that characterized the “Desert Music” projects. In fact, although he wouldn’t characterize the dreams he accesses as nightmares, the overall feeling is particularly sinister and the atmospheres have an industrial quality that KG has never felt in his music before. Although it is interesting, and under other circumstances might have been artistically exciting, KG feels a need to produce what Abstrakt wants and needs, so he is a little disappointed.

A little disappointment turns to self-loathing, which cycles back and forth depending upon the day. He is forced to return to his list of Top 3 Most Devastating Things Ever Said to KG, in particular when Lainey left and he told her he loved her, and Lainey said, “You don’t fucking love me. You love your...condition.” And then she closed the door. And she was right. And he spent the rest of the night weeping, and loving the loneliness, and loving the pain. And she was right. Afterwards KG seriously considers moving her up in the rankings, but reconsiders when after only touching on the content of the Top 2 he runs full bore away from any further examination of those memories.

So this week he reads. And he makes lunch. And he watches some movies. And he drinks a couple of beers. And he smokes a few cigarettes. And he masturbates to internet porn. And he plays some music, and he records some. And he walks. And he weeps. And he sleeps. And he watches TV. And he goes online. And he reads. And he makes dinner. And. And. And. And.

To go to Chapter Thirteen, click here