RETURN TO SNAKELAND - Seventh Fragment

* This is a fictionalized account of some shit that actually happened. All the names, locations, etc. have been changed to protect the innocent. – JG *

-Jason. Wake up.-

I sit up, still dreaming, my wife asleep at my side. They are arrayed at the foot of our bed, the women sitting, the men standing behind them. They are five in number, a little family – although I remember later that only three of them are actually related. The teenage Girl sits to the left of me, a strawberry blonde in a black t-shirt under a denim vest. She is scrawny and kind of trashy but she has a very pretty, vulnerable smile. She also has a deep gouge in her forehead and a thin red line dug into her throat where she was strangled.

-What. What is it.-

The Girl scowls. –That stuff you said about me in that last piece wasn’t nice. I wasn’t a Proj slut. I didn’t live in the Proj and I wasn’t a slut.-

-Sorry, Katie. I was just being true to my memory of the situation.-

-Yeah, but you said I was pale and scrawny too.-

I gesture towards her in the half-light. –You are pale and scrawny.-

She looks downcast. –It’s still not nice to say. You got turned on by Katie Falkner and not me, huh?-

It is my turn to avoid her eyes. –I guess. Would it have made you feel less creepy if I did?-

The Girl looks up, wraps her arms around her sides. –It’s a funny thing. You want to be remembered but you want to be forgotten.-

-Yeah. I guess.- I sigh. –Katie Falkner’s dead too, you know. She was beaten to death by that jock asshole she married, Kevin Gardiner, when we were like 30 or so.-

-When you were like 30 or so. I’ve been dead since 1985.-

I sigh. -Right.- We all sit in silence for a moment. The Girl begins again.

-Yeah, so, anyway: you should tell them more about the Punks and the Heads. That whole thing about the Proj doesn’t make sense without it, and probably the whole Snakeland thing too.-

I raise my eyebrows, say nothing. She is absolutely right.

RETURN TO SNAKELAND - Sixth Fragment

* This is a fictionalized account of some shit that actually happened. All the names, locations, etc. have been changed to protect the innocent. – JG *

The Snakeland references in the following excerpt are more accurate to my actual experience than “Heavy Into Jeff” and also shed a little light onto the whole relationship with the Heads. I never completed the larger piece that this was excerpted from, but maybe what I’m writing here is what that piece could’ve become, should’ve become.

BATTLE OF THE BANDS (Edit)

study hall reading No One Here Gets Out Alive my favorite part teenage Jim Morrison kneeling on his younger brother’s shoulders spit thick and ropy from Hershey bars or orange juice dangling it right over brother’s face sucking it up just before the moment of (nauseating) contact

huge study hall third biggest room in the school room to hide in

Andy Warhol Velvets first album banana t-shirt black Chuck Taylor All-Stars chucks we call ((called)) them bleached the trim white (yellow) two color just like Paul Weller in the Jam (did he really) ((saw it in a picture once probly the drummer actually))

bedrooms suburban bedrooms sunshine suburban sunshine bedrooms spent so much time hiding from parents brothers sisters in each others bedroom bedrooms no wonder all we thought about was fucking

(did i say that out loud) ((hard to tell w/ headphones on always got caught singing along)) (FAGGOT)

all we ever thought about was girls all we ever got called was FAGGOT no wonder we were so confused

FUCKIN FAGGOT

PUNK ROCK FAGGOT

FAG

they were tough lived in the Proj drank beers and smoked weed in Snakeland glare mutter under your breath walk away there was always more of them than us that one was like a man he was huge how many times did he get left back anyway

((Burroughs says you must have run cowardly at one point to be able to express true courage)) (FUCK YOU FAGGOT)

did they kill Katie Hoehner we’ll never know Kenton cops don’t care about some Proj slut killed in Snakeland she probly had it coming 4 suicides and a murder and Jeremy Janks killed his whole family by graduation they wanted to change the school team from the Blue Devils to the Blue Angels because they thought it was SATANISM upside-down crosses and pentagrams spray painted on the walls at Snakeland

she sat in front of me in homeroom and then after freshman year she didn’t empty desk they moved us in together for sophomore year

((we didn’t even get a half day when Katie got murdered today they’d deploy a SWAT team of social workers and psychiatrists to protect our fragile psyches did they even make an announcement when Gene killed himself all anyone did was scrawl DEAD over his face in my junior yearbook))

even though she sat in front of me i never thought about fucking her (pale and scrawny) it probly would have been weirder then if i had ((didn’t happen til years later another Katie blonde cheerleader beat off to her a hundred times if it was once picture in the paper murdered by her husband i beat off to a girl who’s dead felt old and very lonly))

RETURN TO SNAKELAND - Fifth Fragment

* This is a fictionalized account of some shit that actually happened. All the names, locations, etc. have been changed to protect the innocent. – JG *

Snakeland still sprawls across the edges of my imagination, casting its dusky shadow over the unnamed suburban sidestreets of my mind. It shows up in my writing, still, more than twenty years since I graduated from Kenton North. I used it in this chunk of flash fiction from 2009 as a setting for a dippy vampire exercise.

HEAVY INTO JEFF

The girl was heavy into Jeff; she knew it, we knew it. Much beers later, you had half a mind to tell the kid because he obviously wasn't gonna get it on his own. Snakeland was good for beers and bong hits - no one ever there except homeless dudes. And snakes. The part by the water you could huck the bottles in; dig the splash, then the echo of the splash. The empty grain elevators were a wall between us and the cops, all floor holes and broken glass. Pretty sweet.

The girl was totally listening to Jeff and all his World of Warcraft bullshit which he never would've been talking about to a girl unless he was totally high. Which he was, but that's still no excuse to be blabbering that geek noise to some piece of ass that followed us to Snakeland. So we all give Jeff the eye and the nod and he finally gets it and he's like you wanna go down by the water? and she's like yeah, sure and they grab a couple of beers and they go and we laugh a little and they laugh a little. And then Tony's all Let's build a fire! and Dez is all No, let's just cut out the middleman and actually tell the cops where we are, and then it's Fuck You but bong hits later no problem.

Jeff or the girl whips a bottle in the water but it must've been a big one because the echo is even bigger than the splash, or at least it sounds that way. From where we are. The girl walks up, hours later maybe, feels that way, wiping her mouth says Jeff fell asleep. Dez waits until she leaves, looks at us, goes Is that a good sign or a bad sign? And Tony goes Who cares, where did they get wine? Dez is like The fuck you talking about? And Tony says Her mouth was all red, dude. Her lips were all red.

RETURN TO SNAKELAND - Fourth Fragment

* This is a fictionalized account of some shit that actually happened. All the names, locations, etc. have been changed to protect the innocent. – JG *

Perhaps this can be considered my attempt to kill the victims all over again, but this time in a way that makes sense. To give Katie a murderer who could be caught, who could confess, who could tell us what happened that night, who could pinpoint the moment when he could see in Katie's eyes that she realized that everything wasn't going to be OK, that getting caught by her parents or the police was nothing to fear, that here was fear, was Death.

And Jeremy Janks would still murder his brother, his mother, his father - but would've composed some manifesto, some quasi-political treatise to explain it all after they found his body along with the others. Because if this is to make sense, if this part of the story can make any sense, Jeremy Janks has to die. This is reasonable. This is an end. This is not some doughy-faced psychopath with nothing to say. This is multiple murder/suicide with an accompanying libretto. This is the drama we make of the real.

But Will Haynes does not die. That never made any sense to me. Even by the ludicrous standards of Kenton in the 1980s, it doesn't make any sense. A collateral car-crash victim? It is a stupid and useless death, it has no manageable dramatic effect and it has got to go. Maybe it happened in real life but not here, not now. Here things happen for reasons; here things make sense. Will Haynes is 51, divorced, lives in the Town of Towaphna with his girlfriend Cindy, 48, also divorced. She's a nurse; he works at Cole Muffler. They see their kids on the weekends.

But what of Kenneth, Gene, Carolyn, and Hugh? All still suicide, of course, but now with reason, explained reason, notes, connections between. A common cause. A cause that connects the 4 suicides to the murders of Mike Janks, Marge Janks, John Janks and Katie Hoehner. A cause that lives in Kenton, NY, in the dark, in the only evil place that ever existed in Kenton. In Snakeland.