Thursday, July 7, 2011

"SNAKELAND MUST BE DESTROYED!": SCENE TWO

* This is a fictionalized account of some shit that actually happened. All the names, locations, etc. have been changed to protect the innocent as well as the guilty. – JG *


EXTERIOR – FALLSVILLE NORTH HIGH SCHOOL PARKING LOT – NIGHT

In the parking lot, there are around 100 kids assembled. A little less than half are HEADS, heavy metal burnouts with leather jackets, denim vests, boots, and black concert t-shirts. Most of them have long hair. Most of the kids remaining are PUNKS, Hardcore types with leather jackets, boots, white concert t-shirts and spiked wristbands. Most of them have short hair or Mohawks. There are others milling about on the edges of the parking lot, mostly girls, some normal guys, some geeks.

Hoover walks in the no-man’s land between the Punks and their beat-up cars and the Heads and their beat-up cars. The Heads are blasting Iron Maiden out of a booming car stereo. The Punks are blasting Black Flag out of a booming car stereo. The Heads are head-banging to the frantic music. The Punks are slam-dancing to the frantic music. Occasionally someone will shout something from one side at the other, or throw some piece of trash at the other side. Hoover walks through it all, smiling, occasionally ducking.

HOOVER (V.O.)

At the Homecoming dance, pretty much all the action always went down in the parking lot.

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INTERIOR – HOMECOMING DANCE – NIGHT

A few kids stand around in small groups in the huge gymnasium. AUDIO of crickets chirping.

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EXTERIOR – FALLSVILLE NORTH – NIGHT

Hoover nearly reaches the end of the line of Punks when he is approached by D-MAN, who is dressed in a black suit with shiny black shoes and black wraparound sunglasses (despite the fact that it is night). Both smile, and give an exaggerated, overly aggressive hug.

HOOVER

What’s shakin’, D-Man?

D-MAN

(Straightens suit) Not much, ya punk rock faggot.

What about you?

HOOVER (V.O.)

D-Man got lumped in with the Punks, but he was most definitely a Mod. We called him D-Man ‘cause his real name, Damien, didn’t exactly fit the Mod vibe.

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INTERIOR – D-MAN’S HOUSE / BASEMENT – DAY

D-Man and Hoover lay around on couches reading different issues of SPIN magazine circa 1985 in front of D-Man’s stereo which is blasting “Non-Stop Dancing” by the Jam. They are both dressed similarly to current scene. D-MAN’S MOTHER, who has a very thick accent, shouts down the stairs to them.

D-MAN’S MOTHER (Off-Screen)

Damien! Turn dat music down!

D-Man sighs, shakes his head, gets up to turn down the stereo.

HOOVER

(clasps hands, imitates Father Karras’ mother from The Exorcist)

Daimey! Daimey! Why you do

thees to me, Daimey!

D-Man turns around, super-pissed. Hoover laughs.

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EXTERIOR – FALLSVILLE NORTH – NIGHT

HOOVER

Not much, man, not much. (looks around)

Any girly action?

D-MAN

Not at all. As the man said, I can’t get no.

HOOVER

Hmmph.

There is a loud banging behind them as THE MISERY KID leaps onto the hood of a car directly behind Hoover and D-Man. The Kid is on the heavy side with tousled brown hair and a baggy black sweater with a white skeleton pattern knitted into it. PUNK #1, wearing a ripped Dead Kennedys shirt and Liberty Spikes, shouts up at him.

PUNK #1

Hey, asshole! Get off my car!

MISERY KID

(to D-Man and Hoover)

“If they ask what I was thinking, just tell them...”

D-Man, Hoover and The Misery Kid shout as one.

D-MAN, HOOVER, MISERY KID

“...I wanted to get HIGHER!”

On “HIGHER” The Kid leaps off the hood of the car and lands on Hoover with a flying elbow drop. Hoover collapses, hurt but laughing, and they wrestle around for a minute before jumping back up. MIKE GUERRASIO, a Head the size of a muscular full-grown man, comes up.

GUERRASIO

Fuckin’ punk rock faggots.

The Kid looks at Hoover, then back to Guerrasio.

MISERY KID

(astonished)

Faggots?!?

The Kid looks at Hoover, then D-Man, then back to Hoover. Hoover shrugs sheepishly.

HOOVER

If you want people to stop calling you “faggot”, you should probably stop sucking our dicks.

MISERY KID

(super-exaggerated)

Oh! Okay! (turns to Guerrasio) Thanks for clearing that up for me, Guerrasio. You’ve been a big help.

Guerrasio sneers, spits on the ground.

GUERRASIO

Fuck you.

Guerrasio walks away. The Kid turns back to D-Man and Hoover and giggles.

HOOVER (V.O.)

The Misery Kid was pretty balls-out. He was one of the only Punks who wasn’t scared of Mike Guerrasio, the biggest and scariest of all the Heads. Guerrasio was one of the only kids, Punk or Head, that I would’ve considered capable of murder, and unfortunately that possibility had to be eventually contemplated.

There is a commotion as the music gets turned up – Hoover, D-Man and The Misery Kid all look over.

HOOVER (V.O.)

But not that night, though.

The boys walk over to where the Heads have parked one of their cars directly across from one of the Punk cars, and a Battle of the Stereos has ensued. The Heads are blasting “Run To The Hills” by Iron Maiden and the Punks turns up their stereo in kind, which is blaring “Rise Above” by Black Flag. As they attempt to outdo each other, chanting along with their respective anthems, the songs mash-up together with the choruses alternating in a kind of meta-song.

HEADS’ CAR

“Run to the hills...”

PUNKS’ CAR

“Rise above! We’re gonna rise above!”

HEADS’ CAR

“Run for your life...!”

PUNKS’ CAR

“Rise above! We’re gonna rise above!”

After pumping their fists on the Punks’ side for awhile, Hoover turns to D-Man.

HOOVER

Y’know, it actually sounds kind of good together like that.

D-MAN

(nods) Mm!

Hoover prepares to leave.

HOOVER

Listen, man, I’m gonna split, but...

D-MAN

(looking in other direction) Oh, shit, Hoover, Caitlin at 12 o’clock.

HOOVER

(gut punched) Oof!

CAITLIN, a blonde beauty with an asymmetrical haircut and all-black clothing, walks out of the Homecoming Dance with a couple of other cute girls, similarly attired. They are laughing. Caitlin looks up and over at the Punks and Heads and Hoover catches her eye. She flashes a quick smile. Hoover is awestruck. Caitlin gets in a big square boat-car with the other girls and pulls away with “Queens of Noise” by the Runaways blaring.

HOOVER

Dear god.

D-MAN

That was a smile alright.

HOOVER

(shrugs it off) Aw, yeah, but it could’ve

been for you, or the Kid, even.

Hoover and D-Man look over at the Misery Kid. He is up against Punk #1, pretending to ass-fuck him as Punk #1 angrily pushes him off.

D-MAN

Don’t think so, somehow.

HOOVER

(laughs) I’ll talk to ya tomorrow.

D-MAN

Later.

Hoover walks off through the school parking lot, deep in thought. He puts on his headphones and presses play – “Hate Paper Doll” by Husker Du starts up.

HOOVER (V.O.)

Caitlin Toole, a queen amongst women.

Now that was something to think about

on the way home. Something indeed.

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