"SNAKELAND MUST BE DESTROYED!": SCENE EIGHT

* This is a fictionalized account of some shit that actually happened. All the names, locations, etc. have been changed to protect the innocent as well as the guilty. – JG *

INTERIOR – STUDY HALL – DAY

Hoover sits at a desk in the study hall, slumped over, headphones on. He is listening to the same song from the end of Scene Seven, “I Will Dare” by the Replacements. Suddenly, Caitlin Toole is in his line of vision. She mouths the words, “I love you”. Hoover sits up, frantically scrambles to pull off his headphones.

HOOVER

Um, uh, what?!

CAITLIN

I said, I love that song! Where did you find it?

HOOVER

Oh, um, I just picked it up at Needle Trax yesterday.

The whole album’s pretty great actually.

CAITLIN

That’s cool. I heard it on QCC the other day

but the signal faded before I could find out who

did it or what it was called.

HOOVER

(trying desperately to stay calm) You listen to WQCC?

That’s cool. The band’s called the Replacements, they’re

from Minneapolis, same as Husker Du.

CAITLIN

(laughs) Husker who?

HOOVER

(laughs) Husker Du, they’re really good,

just as noisy but in a different way. (pauses)

I could make you a mixtape? You know, if you

wanted me to.

On “wanted”, a paper ball hits Hoover in the head. He closes his eyes, purses his lips, and turns to where the paper ball came from. A couple of RANDOM HEADS are pointing and laughing. They both do the thing where they cough and say “faggot” at the same time. Hoover turns back to Caitlin.

CAITLIN

Those guys are, like, total assholes.

HOOVER

Yep. Pretty much.

CAITLIN

So, I’ll see you later, okay?

HOOVER

Yeah, totally.

Caitlin walks away. Hoover exhales once, then scrambles for the paper ball and whips it angrily back at the Random Heads, who laugh.

FADE TO BLACK