"SNAKELAND MUST BE DESTROYED!": SCENE SEVEN

* This is a fictionalized account of some shit that actually happened. All the names, locations, etc. have been changed to protect the innocent as well as the guilty. – JG *

INTERIOR – HOOVER’S BEDROOM – DAY

ANGLE ON the door to Hoover’s room as it opens from outside. D-Man walks in, not really paying attention.

D-MAN

So your mom told me to just come on

back, I hope it’s alright...

D-Man looks up.

D-MAN

Oh, shit!

ANGLE ON Hoover, who is contorting his body into a pretzel-like shape. He is holding an antenna in his left hand, has a weird tinfoil sculpture in his right hand, and he has his foot placed squarely on a boom box in the middle of the floor. From the boom box comes a very faint radio signal.

HOOVER

Trying to tune in WQCC.

D-Man closes the door behind him, shakes his head.

D-MAN

Fucking college radio. They should issue an instruction

book – “On sunny days, face east and wave your hands

in a circular motion. On rainy days, face west and move

your hands counter-clockwise”. Ridiculous.

D-Man walks over and takes the tinfoil mass from Hoover’s right hand and walks over to another part of the room. The radio signal gets marginally stronger.

HOOVER

I know it’s ridiculous, but it’s the only way to

ever find new bands, you know?

D-MAN

(Sadly) I know, man, I know.

They stand silently for a moment, turning this way and that. The radio signal does not change in volume or clarity.

HOOVER

So I’ve been having really weird dreams lately.

D-MAN

(smiles) Caitlin Toole?

HOOVER

(sighs) No, that’s not weird, that’s pretty much every

night now. I mean like really weird.

D-MAN

(suspicious) Well, how weird are we talking, man?

I mean, I don’t want to hear anything gross,

you know? Save that stuff for Griffin.

HOOVER

(exasperated) It’s not gross, it’s just like...I

dreamed that Hannah Graeber came

back to life.

D-Man goes rigid.

HOOVER

And she was in Snakeland, and she

told me this poem about cats, and rats

and snakes.

D-MAN

Hoover, I had the exact same dream.

Hoover drops his arm and the antenna falls to the floor.

HOOVER

No way!

Immediately, the radio comes roaring in, crystal clear, with “I Will Dare” by the Replacements. Hoover laughs.

HOOVER

Don’t move, don’t move!

They stand still and listen to the song.

FADE OUT AND INTO: